When Anxiety Takes Over Part 2

Anxiety is not just “being nervous” and it definitely is not a character flaw. We talk with Mimi about what it feels like when anxiety hijacks your plans in real time: a strong job interview followed by spiraling fear, missed days, lost opportunities, and the heavy emotional crash of hearing “no” again and again. When she shares that she faced 12 job rejections in a single week, we dig into the deeper layer: rejection can reopen old wounds like abandonment and make you question your worth even when you are talented and prepared. 

We also get honest about the places anxiety makes you avoid. Mimi explains why church became hard after illness and major weight loss, and how being seen can feel overwhelming when you are already fighting internal shame. From generational body image struggles to social media comparison, we unpack how the mirror can become a battleground and why reassurance can feel like oxygen in relationships. 

Then we move into what helps: affirmations, scheduled self care, therapy, medication when appropriate, and faith that leaves room for real frustration and real questions. We connect the dots between anxiety symptoms and the body, share why getting a diagnosis matters, and remind you that seeking help is strength, not weakness. If this conversation hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support.

Transcript

School, Work, And Anxiety Pressure

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Beatrice Hippolid and this is your world. School is not an easy thing, even on a regular with no sickness going on. Yeah. And you did it? Hard off. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Okay, so what about work? So work is hard. I think that's hard. Like, because of the anxiety, when I do an interview, it's great. Like, oh, we love her. Before I start, I guess it because I'm nervous, right? The nervousness becomes anxiety. I feel like I was I'm not gonna be good. I've lost two opportunities from it. You know, um, one said, Hey, you're gonna be a burden. You for your probation, you you missed the first two days. Like, how we gonna and then the other one gave me time and I was still getting back and forth to the hospital. And that one I had to be there because I was going to be training other people. So it was hard. So I decided to like start working for myself as a marketer and brander, helping businesses grow. Um it's been going great. And I've been training churches with their production team, which has also been going good. Um, but I'm ready to like move on to better and bigger because I do want to go to law school um and get my doctorate in business. Um, so I literally now are um I have a background in politics where I used to work like with um Farra Lewis, um, I've encountered the mayor, I work with um the new sheriff in um of New York, Edwin Raymond. I was his body person and his um his social media manager, like communication manager when he was running for city council in my district. Um so now we're cool. Um, so he's like really in the process of helping me um get a position because he sees my passion, he sees my ethics, he sees my work, and he knows that I have it and he's very understanding, you know. And I have to give like like when I talk about community, I have to give Jamani Williams hats off. Like he because him and Edwin, um, Malik Yoba, even um who passed away. Um I forgot the one that passed away, um, I forgot his name, but he really um they would come see me, they would contact me. Those who were running who were not even, they were running against Ed Um Edwin Raymond, and they would reach out to me, like, hey, like we heard you are sick, are you okay? So, like, you know, like politics is dirty, but seeing that people have hearts, like, you know, um, would reach out and stuff like that. Even like the former mayor, as much as you know, I'm not a fan, he would, when he saw me once and he was just like, I heard you were sick, are you okay? And this is us just in passing, because I was working with Edwin, and this is when he was the Brooklyn Borough president. So just having that, you know, so work has been hard, but I know that people have my back. Like, I was just honest to be transparent. I one thing I was that was talking about my sister earlier. I got rejected by 12 jobs within this week alone. 12 jobs and four internships.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Mind you, I'm a pretty smart girl. People call me a pretty nerd because I'm not in nursing, but I do my sister's homework who's in nursing. I I help my mom with her medical, and I'm not good at science. Like you give me a project, I will find a way to learn it and do it within the time frame you give it to me. You know, yeah, because God has graced me with that knowledge and that wisdom to pick up on things. I may have to brush up on it, but I'm able to have that. So um to be some jobs are like you're overly qualified.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

But does that make you feel but being rejected, you know, by 12 jobs like that?

SPEAKER_00 3:33

It's hard because it's like, God, you gave me the brains, but what's going on? Where's my breakthrough? Like, where's where when can I start working? Um, I I don't not say I don't work for myself anymore officially, but I don't. Like, I want to start learning from people. I want to be able to be like, okay, I'm working for somebody, you know, and I've been doing great for myself with working myself. I'm not gonna lie, but I that's not what I want to do anymore, right? Um, that may be something for the future again, but right, because it's on a small scale right now, and I want it on a greater scale, but I want the sustaining season. I want the season where God is cultivating me in jobs, in rooms with people, and etc. So it was this, it was very discouraging, um, very sad.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

I understand that. So, and I can see where you're coming from, but that can be done through your own personal business too, to be in a room with people where you can be the boss. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I mean, I have great clientele. Um, I have big churches that do have politicians, um, I have people who are makeup lines and etc. So that's why it was hard, but it's not too hard because I'm like, okay, I'm doing good for myself, right? And but just the fact of being like rejection, I've so that's also a thing. I was I've dealt with rejection in the past, relationships, friendships, other things, and abandonment too. So now it's not even only about the fact that I got rejected from jobs because I have something that's sustaining me, but it's just the rejection as of being rejectioned. So it brings me back to like, okay, I thought I was a good, I thought I was dope, but now I'm not good enough. So it brings me back to the past of like, okay, I'm getting rejected again, meaning like you're hey, nobody, you're not even really worth it. So it's it's bringing back past trauma, past situations that I could that I just my brain just correlates together, like, oh, this is just rejection, right? So, and I'm trying to learn that rejection could be your protection, you know, and sometimes sometimes the snow, because it's too small, God wants to bring it to a greater scale. So I'm trying to add like those positive thoughts of like, hey, enjoy your summer, cultivate in the in the season that you're in, like you know, and stuff like that. And when it's time, if that's where God wants to put you, he will, or he's gonna help your business grow where you are. So that's what kind of is holding me together right now while I got rejected. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Okay, okay. But stay positive, yeah. As you normally do. My next question: Is there any time that you you you have avoided places or situations uh because of anxiety?

Avoiding Church And Feeling Exposed

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Yeah, church.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Okay, so let's let's elaborate more on that. Um, so I grew up in a church where our family was known and big. So I did everything in the church praise dance, choir director, um, youth leader, all at like a young age, 15, 16, praise and worship leader, led service, head of production, taught nursery in a choir. It was so much, you know. I did all of that, and then when I transferred to the two churches now that I work with, um, I was more in the background, you know. Um, but when COVID hit, because I was so sick and I lost so much weight and it was so much, I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to go to church. School is virtual, so I didn't have to encounter anybody. Um, but church I had to, and you know, church people are like in critical as soon. And like, so in English, it's like you're on people, like you're so friendly, not even kind, you're too friendly. So the church I go to, that's what they teach us, like to be that, like so people feel welcome. But it was overwhelming. It was overwhelming for me because I was like, I don't want that right now. Like, I don't, I just want peace and quiet, right? And that was just me, my own merit. Um, so yeah, I avoided going. I would watch online, and also I also honestly I was like, not God you don't exist, but god you really care. Like, you know, I was on that, like question God, like, God, like I'm going through this. I don't see anybody else going through it. Like, you know, I know people are going through their own issues, and you say, people you don't give you more than you could bear, but this is too much.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

I know the closestness you that you were you you didn't want that, but there was any what any other thing that you were trying to avoid, or were you ashamed of something? I was ashamed of me.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I was ashamed of what I look like because I was so small.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

Because you drop too much.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Because I have so much weight, and I was never comfortable with what I saw in the mirror. Never till this day I struggle with that. Like, I'm never comfortable with what I see in the mirror. Like, I'm like, something's wrong. And I always want to fix it. Hence why I'm I go to the gym so much because I'm like, want to fix this.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Um what you wanna fix? Because you you look beau you look amazing. Thank you. You look amazing, and people say and I'm not saying that just to please you. You look amazing.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

It's for some reason, I don't know. I think it's a family thing, like we're never satisfied with what we look like in the mirror. And I think we and I picked up on that language, and I'm realizing that with my cousins, like even when you're in it, you don't realize, but when you're seeing it outside, I'm realizing like with my aunt, like she's never satisfied with how she looks. So all her daughters, she has four daughters, they're never satisfied with how they look, no matter how big or small they are. And then my mom, she's never satisfied. She's like, I'm too big in that. And I'm looking at me and my sister, we came from we lost so much weight last week, this year, and we're still not satisfied. People are like, oh my god, you guys do great. We're still not satisfied. All us girls who run, like that's in the family, never satisfied. Even my cousins in Florida, their mom is never satisfied. All her daughters, five girls, they're like, I'm not pretty, and they're gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Okay, so you you you just point out something that is very significant. So it's in the family, it's generational because you know, in the family they tend not to get satisfied, but you already know, so it's something that they pick on, but it's not the reality of them not being beautiful. So have you ever thought of seeing things differently?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

I've been trying to see things differently because I'm like, I don't want to be a hypocrite where I'm telling them, hey, you're beautiful. Like, you know, just even without using scripture about who they are inside out, just naturally, like, hey, your hair is nice, your brows are pretty, like, girl, your smile, like encouraging. Then I encourage you, I mentor young women who um about these things, like, hey, you're beautiful, know your worth. But when I look into the mirror, I feel like the enemy tries to get my ear to flip it on me. Like, yeah, you're telling these girls, but you're not. So I'm trying to tell myself, like, again, going back to the truth and the and what's real. Hey, what do you need to work on? Your stomach? Like, what do you need to work with? What are you working on? Like, you're you're doing the work, you're healthy inside now. What's the problem? Like, you know, like meaning, what's really the issue? Why do you feel like that? You know, and that's what I felt during um that time and I avoided like church.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

But when you ask Mimi that question, so is there any time Mimi had come up with some answers?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Not really. Like, I was like, I don't know. I like when people say I'll be like, when I say it to myself, I'm like, uh, I don't know. I just um I don't like it. Like, I or I'll compare myself. So I'll like the answer, I'll be like, but I want hips like that, and I want hair like that, and I want this and that. Like, I'll I'll be like, oh, but I'll take bits and pieces of people and be like, and I to the point where I'll even pray about it. Even even when they're not well, yeah. And I'll I'll even pray about it. I'll be like, Lord, I want some hips like this girl on Instagram, Lord, let me have this type of legs like this girl. And I was like, is this what I'm praying about in the mirror? Like, and it's not that I'm sitting there and I'm thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

But when I'm there, it's like it's like getting Lord into trouble because you don't know what he greeted you with a beautiful body and face.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Right. And I and I think what helps me is having friends and people who are consistently saying, It's like I could walk outside and people are like, I had this one, I was going through a bad day, and I was like, okay, I'm I'm not pretty, I didn't feel well. Like I was like, I was like, Lord, I I need a break, I need I need I need hips like this, and I did the prayer, and I bumped into, you know, like you want that confident from another from the office sex and all that stuff. Like, oh okay, and you know, guys was talking, hissing. I was like, whatever. Um, but this lady stopped me, and and that's how I met my spiritual mom because she's the she was the first one to do that to me. It's similar stories. She stopped me and she said, Wow, you're gorgeous, your beauty stopped me. And I said, Huh? She goes, Yeah, there's something about you. And you never met her before. I've never met her before. And my spiritual mom, the first time I met her, she said the same thing to me. She said, There's something inside of you and something outside of you. It's not that your light skin is.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

You're putting your I just got an insert.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Yeah. And I was just like, boy, that's not what I asked for. I asked for hips, and you gave me confidence, but I'll take it. You know, and that encouraged me, and I was able to walk with confidence that day, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

You know, sometimes we may we may ask God for things that we think we need.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

And he gives you the better.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

He's gonna give you what you actually, we know what you actually need. Right. Yes, and that's what he did that day. Yeah. So you asked for heaps and he gave you confidence because he knew that confidence what was the missing part.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah, he always said that and um even in relationships, I like like you know, I, you know, you dated the wrong person, but one thing I could truly say, especially the last guy that I dealt with, one thing about him, he always reassured me. And he didn't even know that I battled with that. So he was always saying, No, you know you're the perfect size, you're so beautiful. Like even on bad days, he's like, Oh my goodness, like your smile. And I'm like, I didn't even brush my teeth yet. He's like, your smile, like he'll face my meeting, he's like, You're smile, like you're you just glowing. And that was like just those little things, and I'm just like, okay, God, like I didn't know that reassurance was a love language for me. Like I always thought, like, oh, just quality time was mine, but having that reassurance of like, I got you, or you're beautiful, or like I said, you smell nice, your hair looks good, um, your nails are nice, and you're beautiful. Those are like my four compliments that when I hear them, it's like a oh, okay, I'm good. And it's not to say, oh, I'm proud, I'm the baddest girl in the room, but it's more of a it helps me, helps me like okay, I may not see what you want me to see, God, but you're trying to show me that through people because other people see it, people who don't even know me. Like, they're like, wow, like you're so like gorgeous. And I'm just like, and I always say little me, and my ex was like, why? I was like he's like, Why do you say little you? Because you always God is always in your mouth. You serve a big God, a great God, and you're a representation of Christ. So if God is a big God and you're a representation of Christ, it's big you. So don't stop saying little me. Yes, you, and stop saying why me. You used to say why me when it came to being sick, and God now is showing you the deliverance and your breakthrough. So why are you saying why me? Because he's not only delivering you physically, but emotionally and spiritually, and he's allowing you to see your creation where it's into where he's working in you internally that it's showing externally. So I think like having those people around me is what helps you. So when I see when I look into the mirror and I'm like, I don't God, I need hips. I'm like, snap out of it, mimic, snap out of it. You are fine, you girl, you got it. It's you, you know. So that's what helps.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Okay, so that will bring me to my next

Self Love, Reassurance, And Self Sabotage

SPEAKER_02 15:24

question. What has been the hardest emotional challenge for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Loving myself. Yeah, I think I battle with that. Like, I have a big heart where I'll love you till you die, like no matter how bad you hurt me. I always tell people, hey, you're not doing life alone until as long as I'm alive. And I try to be that persistent and present. But because I've been through so much, um because sometimes I'm not satisfied. Um because I dealt with rejection and abandonment, I deal with anxiety, um, I deal with past, my past, I deal with my mental thoughts that I don't feel like I'm worthy to be loved. So it's like do we maybe do you really love yourself? Do you really treat yourself like you love yourself? So I battle with that so much, but people don't think so. People don't even realize because like I said, they say I'm a functional depressant, I'm a functional person with anxiety, like I function. Um so I don't like all the time, like I don't feel like I'm there. Like I'm like, okay, I love you, Mimi. Like it's hard to even say it sometimes. Like I think this was like one of my first time saying it in months. Um, I got you, Mimi. Like I love you, I love you, but like you love the next person, or even more.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

It is very important to love ourselves, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

And so like I sometimes tell people if you don't love you, if you don't appreciate you, if you don't value you, even if I were to come and offer you all of this, you will not understand, you will not appreciate it. And you probably even think that I'm lying to you. So, but if you love yourself, whether I come and say, Mimi, you're so beautiful, if I say it it's a compliment, you're gonna say thank you. But if I don't say it, who cares? I already know I'm pretty.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Right, right. And I think that also leaks into my relationships and like especially not friendships, but my relationships where um every time he used to say I love your I got you, I'm like, why? Why I was like, little me, like again, the little me, little me does not deserve good you, and he'd be like, but you're amazing, like like you're not just beauty, like do you see your personality? Like everybody's drawn, like you know, my past even says it, everybody's drawn to you like a magnet, kids, adults, dogs, everybody wants your attention, everybody wants you around. So why do you keep saying that? And it was just a consistent thing. Like, I was like, I don't know. And I think that was one thing that actually ended us because I was just like, I couldn't accept it, couldn't accept that this was a good thing for me, right? So I was just like, no, the other shoes are gonna drop, and I would um self-sabotage because I didn't love me.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Yeah, eventually you'll get to that point. Yes, because you know, and that can make the person feel tired too.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Yeah, because it's like, what else do I have to say? What else do I have to do to make her believe that I mean every each time that I say you're beautiful or I love you, that it's it's willful.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah, so I think that's something that I do work on. I do I started writing um affirmations. So everything that I feel like not loving myself, the anxiety, the fear, the rejection. So I would write, Mimi, you're beautiful, or Mimi, or Ludni, you're loved, um, Ludney, you're graced. Um, um, I am the best. I would never let it rest until my good is better, my better is my best. Like, you know, like I tell myself like quotes and I try to refer them back to the Bible, but even then, like just regular quotes, like I would write them down and I would take them out of a jar. And I and I'm before I even do it, I'd be like, Lord, let it be the affirmation I need for the day. And I would grab it and it always works, right? I'm about beauty. Hey, you're beautiful inside and out. Hey, you got this, hey, you're not alone, right? And today my affirmation was rejection is your protection. And a few hours later I got rejected by 12 schools, you know. So just that I um I tried to do things to help with my anxiety with my mental health and what I go through. And one thing I realized, once a month, um I have self-care day, right? Like I take off on probably the first Friday. This time is the last Friday um in July where I get my nails done. Um, get my nails done, my hands and my feet. I take myself out. I had to fancy restaurants, a cafe, it's a bookstore, I go to the spa. Like I don't have anybody who interrupts it because I don't want to get into an argument with anybody or something. So I take myself out and then what's also um doing my hair, like you know, stuff like that. So I hit like I text my best friend, I'm like after. I feel amazing, you know. I feel I feel like okay, I am rejuvenated, I'm recharged, I'm ready to conquer the world. So it's like two times a month where it's me, my my nails taking myself out, and then another time where I get my hair done. And that also is like a side, it's like a therapy session.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Is there any time after you get your hair done or something done, and you look at yourself in the mirror and say, Oh, I'm beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

I do. I do. I look at myself and say, I'm ready for the rest of the week, I'm good for the rest of the month. And yes, of course, like I'll get like things thrown at me and etc. But like people always say, like, those things are surface things, but I believe is I look good, I smell good, and I feel good. Like my aunt always taught me that. So even when I'm going to sleep, like make sure that I look good and stuff like that. My parents be like, You're gonna sleep out of your perfume one because I smell good, it makes me look good, you know, it makes me feel good. So, um, that self-care actually like it's very important. Yeah, it recenters me.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

It's very important. You mentioned something, you know, earlier, like, hey, we live in a selfish world. Yeah. So where people will just say things to hurt you even when they're not true, you know. And I remember as a child, I grew up in a house or where my for whatever reason, my father never loved me. You know, and uh I've heard my father say, you know, crazy things. You know, beauty was not something that was at that was attributed to me going up as a child. But for whatever reason, so I let that just you know flow on my you know like water, you know, on my back. So it never faded me. So and let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

You're beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

You can go crazy, you can go as crazy as you want. Nobody can make me be can make me believe otherwise. I am beautiful. You're gorgeous. I don't know the your definition of beauty, but I know my own definition. You came down the stairs, that's the gorgeous. Let me tell you something. When I look in the mirror, I've seen a very beautiful person. So if in your head, you know, you may not like the stars of my nose, the stars of my mouth, you know, my eyes may be too small. I don't care. You know, it's how I feel about myself. So and so every day, you know, I've seen it, you know, hey, be treat you pretty. I think sometimes I love myself more. I can become a narcissistic. So and and that's the way we have to approach, you know, ourselves, our lives and see ourselves. Because at the end of the day, so if we don't love ourselves, if we don't believe that we are pretty, so we're gonna keep on chasing happiness from others. And others, that's not their responsibility is to make us happy. Right, right. We have to create it on our own. That's not their responsibility to validate that we are pretty. If they do, hey, thank you. I appreciate it, I'll take it as a compliment. But if you don't, right, you know, so that would not faze me. Even when you say it, I'm not gonna say, oh, I already know it. Right. I have to be polite and say thank you. But if you never said it, who cares? I already know I'm pretty. Definitely. And that's all that matters. You know, so you are pretty, you are just beautiful. Thank you. Okay, my next question.

Grief Triggers The Choice For Help

SPEAKER_02 24:09

When did you decide to seek professional help? This year. Um when and what was what really was the motivation? What was the trigger for that?

SPEAKER_00 24:24

My grandmother passing, and I was so bad, and everything was back to back, and I was overwhelmed. Therapy wasn't helping, friends around wasn't helping. I was, I got to a point where I couldn't fake it anymore. And I was about to explode. Like our like we're all vessels and we're all like filled, right? So I didn't want to be filled with the wrong things anymore. I needed to empty out my cup, right? And I couldn't do it. I I didn't know how to, and I felt stuck, right? And um, the doctors like when he said you're gonna um anxiety is gonna kill you. And that's when I was like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Now I was in your age. Yeah, I was like, you're a couple.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

I refuse because I always say my worship is my oxygen. So why would I now try to take some like allow something else? Anxiety doesn't come from God. The Bible says it, but he says be anxious to nothing for nothing. So if I'm anxious for everything, I'm not in even obedience, and that means I'm missing something. That means I'm filled with something wrong, and I needed to do that. And I realized that if therapy is not fully helping, my friends are not being helping, things that I do to cope, even like taking doing my hair, my nails were not helping, um, reading wasn't helping. I was like, okay, I need to. And when I was gonna go, I um sought professional help, my mom was like, No, no medication. I see what this does to people. She was against it. And my dad was like, if the time, my dad's the look poor. If the doctor says he goes, me, they call me meow. He's like, Meow. If the doctor said to take it, take it. Take it. If you start to feel side effects, stop taking it. Or talk to them about it. But if this is what it is, take it. Because my dad peeped it. My dad was like, every he saw the pattern, he was the first one to see it. Every time something was coming up, and you got nervous because he didn't realize the small anxieties, but he saw the big ones. He's like, You're supposed to go to a trip for your friend to go to Aruba. You got sick the day before. For what? You were excited, you had everything paid and planned. What are you nervous about? It was like even good and bad. Like you were getting anxiety for good things. Like, if you're about to get a job and you caught anxiety, why? Like, what like he's like, no, take it. So I started taking it and it was helping. It helps, it's it's not fully there, but um, and then I do other coping, so I do pray that one day I don't have to take it, I'll be able to cope better. Um, but that was my wake-up call. Like when the doctor was like, No, we and I've heard that so many times, we've exhausted, but that time it was like something I can do about it. Like, you know, it's like being a diabetic. You need insulin, take it. You have to take it, you know. Um, if you have blood pressure, which I do, I take my pill medication for high blood pressure. So why are you afraid or embarrassed?

SPEAKER_01 27:09

But how do you feel right now compared to a year or two years prior?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

A bit better. Um, but even going through the I feel like my grandmother passing was the most traumatic thing for me ever. Um, ever, compared to anything I've been through. And I've been through a lot. Even seeing people die at my feet, that was the most that was my biggest thing. Cause I thought she was immortal. I didn't think that lady was gonna ever die.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

You know, so that was like And you had a pretty good relationship with her.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

We were very close. She lived a block away from us, like we were super duper close. She calls us every birthday to sing with us, she'll check up on me. She'll be like me, me, but I'm I didn't she said incredible. She goes, I don't hear from you. Where are you? Call me, come see me. If I needed a dollar, if I needed money to take the train, because she was closer to the train, I would go to her house. She would cook first. My grandmother would cook even when she was sick, like she was a great cook, and then she started making hot dog and soup and like noodles. That's how sick she was, but that's how much it showed that she cared. Like she would fly spam and noodles, and we're all looking at what is that? But that's because she cared, you know. She was she was our rock. Like she was my rock. I called her the diamond of my life, you know, and stuff like that. So losing her was traumatic. And then when I saw that it took a toll on me and I didn't know how I was gonna get out of it, I like even till now, like I still struck with the fact that she passed because I didn't I didn't go to the funeral. And when I saw that anxiety took control of my life so much that the sheriff, the New York sheriff, came to the funeral to support me. People from all my churches came to support me. I think I was one of the people who got the most support out of my whole family. And whatnot. And I was not there. People were texting me, like, hey, we're here for you. Where are you? And I couldn't even answer. I answered like a week later because I was so sick because of that. And then I was like, people were big people, so celebrities, all of them were there, hitting, like reaching out to me, like, we heard that you were sick. Um, they made an announcement that I was there, we heard that you were sick, and when the grandkids went up to sing, you weren't there. We were looking for you. Some people thought I was my mom because my mom and I look alike. So when my dad went to speak, and they gave my dad a reward for taking care of my grandmother, and my mom was standing next to her, and they're like, You were you were standing next to your dad. And then when they heard the announcement that I wasn't there, they were like, That was your mom, you weren't there, and people were shocked, and that's when I realized I was like, you know what? My anxiety is taking control of my life to the point where I couldn't bury, couldn't even say my final goodbyes properly. And I refused to let that happen again with anybody. So I refused for it to take control of my life. My grandmother would call me all the time, she'd like FaceTime me or call me on WhatsApp, and she was like, Mimi, I miss you. And it's always a two-minute phone call, never longer. And stuff like that. We'd be at her house, spending all day, she'll buy a cereal and all that, just all those memories and all that stuff, and how like I wanted to honor my grandmother. Um, yeah, we would travel, um, Haiti, Boston, like stuff, because she's the same. So we used to go all over the place and stuff like that. Um, she was everything to me. Like my grandmother passed, my grandfather passed, it hit, but it didn't hit the same because my grandfather was more the strict. Like, he called us all by our careers. Like he saw me as a lawyer, so he called me avocado, so he called me a lawyer in Creole. Um, he called my cousin doctor in Creole, you know, he calls all by what we wanted to do, whatever. But my grandmother was more the sweet one. She used to be like, no, Gene, like let them be, let them make noise, uh, you know, and stuff like that. She used to buy a Chinese, like it was just a lie. She was the one who spoiled. She spoiled us, but she also disciplined us. That was my grandmother. Like, that was that was my everything. She is my everything. So just seeing the fact that this that really hate you when she passed. So, and I was like, and I got more crippled than when she passed. And I was like, this and the not being able to say goodbye, that I was like, okay, I need help. Because I would get up and it's hurt. Yeah, I would get up and be sick and go do anything. But because of the fact that this anxiety held me down that I couldn't say goodbye, I was like, I need to see, I need to seek help. So that's when I was just like, you know what? I'm gonna go get help.

What Actually Helps Day To Day

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Okay, but uh for now, what treatment you can tell that help you the most?

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Um honestly combination. I think it's a combination. I'm not gonna downplay the medication. That helps. That actually um it calms you down very fast. It makes me sleepy, but it calms you down very fast. My medication. Um, writing things down. I like to write, um, writing things down in poetry form that helps me. Um, being transparent with people that I love helps me. Therapy. So I can't pinpoint one thing because I realized in the past I was trying to do one thing for everything, but no, you can't. Because yeah, because anxiety stems from not loving yourself, it stems from being nervous, stems from fear, stems from so many things that I realized, like you know, so start off my month. I need uh to re to refresh. So what do I do? A self-care day. Mid month, what do I do? Like, I go get my hair done, or I buy myself flowers, like you know, like that's one thing I do. Like, I I love flowers, right? Those are the coping skills that you do. Right together to go through to go through, but in different seasons for different things, right? If I'm sad and I don't feel like I'm worth it, what do I do? I buy myself flowers, like hey, you're worth flowers, like you know, um, or I buy myself jewelry. You're the you know, they say diamonds is a woman's best friend. So I do things to cope, like you know, some things may sound surface, but they help me deeper, you know, and sometimes it's just the medication that I just need. Sometimes the anxiety, because sometimes I have anxiety, I don't know why. Like I'm just very anxious. I look into the mirror, I'm like, okay, I'm anxious, but why? I can't say why. So when I take the pill, I get calm. I'm like, it it doesn't, it doesn't change my thoughts, but it calms the nerves. We're to the point where it calms the nerve enough, the nerves enough where I can actually now talk to myself. Because before, if my nerves are on high, I'm talking based upon emotion, not based upon reality, right? And I'm trying to be a rational thinker, not an emotional thinker. Because when you think emotional, you move emotionally. Yeah, and I'm trying to move rational. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Okay, you know, it's a good thing that you you understand what works and what does not.

unknown 33:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

And at this point, if medication works, so hey, that's what you're gonna work with until you know the next chapter.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

And I do other things while I take the medication, yeah.

Faith, Honesty With God, Perspective

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Has your faith or spirituality helped you in difficult moments? Help me? Yeah, has um just being honest with God, you know. I think you know, God is one person that we can go as crazy as we want to, but we cannot lie to. Yeah. Because he already knows everything before.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

He knows every He knows everything. He's the one that wrote it, He's the one that saw it, He's the one that steals it, he's the one that rejects it, He's the one that allows it to happen. You know, if God doesn't say yes, it can't move, right? Um, so And he's the one who truly, you know, will not judge. Right. So God sees us naked inside and out. So I honestly I tell God, why me? Why did you choose me? Like, why do you think I'm strong enough, right? And I've learned to also not only talk to God, but read my word so I can hear from God. So if I talk and talk and talk and talk and I'm not hearing, I feel like I'm talking to a wall. But if I know my word, God always has his answer in his word. So now my ears attuned to his word and my discernment is tuned to his voice. So I can tell when this is from God, when it's not, even when it sounds like it's a good thing, you know. So I think being just that transparent, like, God, I'm tired. God, like, what is going on? Like, God, what do you like? Sometimes I'll be like, God, what are you doing? Like, why do you think this? Like, why do you allow this? You know, and not as that you if you're having a friendship conversation, not out of the disrespect, but out of being human, because I'm human. I'm I can't do anything without him. And it and it it brings alignment, right? And it brings me into his will. So I think that's what helped me because before that, I was starting to turn away from God, where I was like, I'm done. Like, not that I don't believe you, but you don't care about me, so there's no point you're not gonna do anything. But really, like saying, I can't do it without you. It could have been worse. You could be and I'm still here and I'm still thriving. I still have a success story, I still have a testimony that may seem great now, but it's gonna be greater by the end of the year and even greater and greater, where I'm gonna sink from the mountaintops, right? And so I just trust him and I start to talk to him, and I my perspective starts to change. What take he takes precedent in my mind to the point where he talks to me. And what when I look into the mirror now, like I have like those confidence, like yeah, I have those weak moments, but I still have those confidence moments. That's where I'll be able to write my affirmations. I'm the creation of God, I represent God. That means I'm beautiful, that means I'm strong, I'm a I'm a big woman. Like I'm I'm dope, I'm amazing because I'm the child of God. Amen. Amen to that.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Amen to that. I love that. I'm a child of God.

Guidance For Severe Anxiety Moments

SPEAKER_02 36:28

So, um what message will you give someone suffering with severe anxiety at this moment?

SPEAKER_00 36:37

You are okay, you are okay, and I tell my trainer this all the time because he suffers with anxiety. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. If you are okay, everything is okay, if nothing's gonna conquer you, you're gonna conquer everything. It's okay to have anxiety, but it's okay to deal with it. One step at a time, one day at a time. You're not alone. A lot of people go through it. A lot of people go through it. I see it every day, and people don't realize it's anxiety, and people are scared to say it's anxiety, but you know, you're still okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

And uh to those who don't believe in medication or scared to seek the uh for therapy, what your message will be.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

If you don't want to take the medication, go get the diagnostic at least because then you'll be able to see your stress levels, you'll be able to see what you actually need, you're able to see the hormone levels, your blood levels, and all of that, and what causes stress, they'll tell you, like, hey, they'll ask you questions. Therapy helps, and it's okay to change your therapist for every season. It's you don't have to keep the same therapist. I change my therapist within the season that I'm going through. So if you're looking for a therapist for fear, if you're looking for a spiritual therapist, if you're looking for therapists for relationships, they have them and counselors seek that help, find a community, even if it's at home, friendship, or an actual like an A, like those things help. And you don't like the only way you get better is if you seek help. You don't gotta take medication. I had to because I realized that it was something that I needed. That was my decision. But and I'm not scared of medication. But if you don't want to take it, it worked for me. Try it if you don't want to try it. There's stress teas, this chamomile, there's stress relief teas, there's spas, there's so many therapeutical stuff now. There's there's even like a salt bath where you go inside a tub and you just soak in salt or an episode salt, and they allow you to do that for an hour. And I tell you, that's amazing. There's massages where they massage you're like mindfulness practice, yeah. They they massage your mind, they massage you in mud, like those things work. So find whatever works. Don't be afraid to experience something. It's experience, it's not gonna kill you, right? It might help. So find based on who you are, seek that help, but always get the diagnostic so you can know what's next. If you don't know if you really have because sometimes it may not even be anxiety, sometimes it could be something else. Sometimes it could actually even be something medical that you think it's anxiety, sometimes it could be migraine issues. Like, so if you seek the help, if you seek the diagnostic, you'll know you'll get a taste of you'll get to realize, okay, this is what it is. I shine the light. Remember, the enemy only works in the darkness. When you start to shine a light, he can't move. So if you shine the light on whatever it is, you'll be able to move forward to what's next to better you because you don't want to stay here, you're okay, but you want to be better.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Exactly. And what or what you wish people understood about anxiety?

SPEAKER_00 40:16

Anxiety is what anxiety truly is. Anxiety is not being able to control what's going on. You're not able to control the fear of a new job, you're not able to control that somebody might attack you. You're not like that's what anxiety is, is the thought of like not it's the fact that you can't control and you don't realize that you can't control it. And when you don't have control of something, it makes people go crazy and they don't realize that. Because everybody wants to control what they what they can't. So that's what anxiety is. And you gotta take control of it.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

And and and and not having control and the and and don't have the understanding that hey, that's what life is about. Yeah. So it's like I like the circle of influence. Yeah, whatever that you don't have control, you have to let it go.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

But it's not easy to do for many people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Yeah, so that's anxiety. I believe that's what anxiety is, and I want people to know that. And I want people to know that again, I tell you, you will encounter more people with anxiety than people who don't have anxiety. Some people it's not as bad, some people it's bad, some people it's circumstantial, some people it's just life. And it's okay. It's not anything to be embarrassed about. It's your people go through it. That's what it is. And anxiety, trust me, for me, anxiety is huge. It's a it's a big it's a big deal. And you don't want that to control your life because it's hard. It's hard to go through things and it's hard to now go through things and you have anxiety on top of it. But have you ever dealt with any sign of depression or what have you? Yeah. Um, so I was diagnosed with sad seasonal effect disorder. So where I have um, like right now, I'm I have postgraduate depression, right? You don't see it if I'm not telling you it, right? You don't realize. Um, but I get seasonal effect disorder, especially in the fall and winter time. That's why I'm obsessed with Christmas. Because Christmas is a joyful season. So I start watching Christmas movies in July. Like I I've been watching all the old ones on Tubi, Netflix, all of them. And then and I bring my friends too to watch them with me. And then when the holidays come, I watch the new ones, right? Um, because I want to be joyful. I want to be happy. I want to hear like the fake love stories. I want to do that. Um, but yeah, all the time, um, around my birthday, like you'll see, like right now, I'm planning, like, it's my golden year, 29 on the 29th, right? So I'm like planning X, Y, and Z. And then I'm like, when I get closer to the date, I tell everybody, hey, I don't want to do it. They're like, here she goes. And that's because I get depressed. Last year I literally spent day just doing my nails and then I went home and slept. Like I didn't do anything. If somebody doesn't throw me anything, I'm not doing anything. Like, usually for the most part. That's why this year I have my friend who's on me. I'm like, hey, this is what I want to do. And she's not playing that. So she's like, so I even told her, I was like, I don't want to do it anymore. She goes, We're doing it. Like, we have to do it. So yeah, I deal with depression a lot, at least once or twice a year, you know, um either circumstantial or sometimes just for the season where I just feel like I'm sad and overwhelmed by life, like, you know, and I evaluate my life. So around like my birthday, um, up until like Thanksgiving, I get um very depressed, and then around like Easter, April, like when the seasons are changing, I feel like it's like a seasonal shift. Like my body's like, okay, yeah. So I I deal with depression, and that's and they used to give me um antidepressant, but I don't take them anymore.

SPEAKER_02 43:46

Okay, okay, okay. So, but what does healing look for you today?

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Healing starts with the mind. Yes, indeed. I say shine a light on everything that you. You have, but don't claim it forever. Like I said, I have diabetes. Diabetes doesn't have me. Diabetes is not gonna is not what's gonna kill me. And I'm gonna, if I die, I'm gonna die. If God doesn't heal me, I'm gonna die with my hands lifted up. That's what I and not physically but spiritually. So healing for me starts with the mind. It starts with taking control of how you think, um, how you feel, and then that starts to leak into how you behave. It starts to leak into what do I need to do. Um I will drop a person, stop talking to a person for my well-being. I will stop and move out of the country for my well-being. I will change schools for my well-being. So when you start to think and start to process and examine everything around you, you're able to now know and understand where to move and protect the peace, protect your space. Like I wrote a devotional about protecting your space and protecting your space and proximity, like I said earlier, of who's in it, what's in it, what gives you anxiety? Does the tree behind me make me nervous? Like, what is it? So killing for me is really understanding where I'm at, but not accepting that's where I'm gonna be. I'm okay, but I'm gonna be better, right? So I work towards error, I work daily about being better. And I'm gonna have days where I have a setback, but my setback is 10 steps, my comeback is 20. So I don't believe when people say I take one step forward and then 10 steps back. No, I took 10 steps back, I'm gonna take 20 steps forward. And I believe um one thing I've oh I've been saying lately, people say sky's the limit. For me, it's not. Heaven is because every the impossible happens in heaven. And I believe the impossible can happen for me and the impossible can happen for anybody if they actually believe. Anxiety is not forever for me, diabetes is not forever for me, gastroesis is not forever for me, depression is not forever for me. I'll have sad moments, I'll have sick moments, but those are not forever for me because I serve a God that's amazing. So healing for me is really that like really believing that everything that's happening in heaven is gonna happen on earth for me, and that's why I live that life with alignment with God, so I can be in the will of God and everything that God has for me, I don't miss it. So that's what healing is for me. Like really understanding my mind and talking to myself, and I have those moments and learning how to love myself because yeah, it gets tough, but you're you're joyful when you have the spirit of the Lord, the His fruits, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, all of that, there's a breath that you can take, like even in the midst of the storm, and that's what healing is for me.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Well put. Well put.

Symptoms, Stats, And Why Treatment Matters

SPEAKER_02 46:44

Now there are some key facts to share, and I'm gonna quickly share that with uh the viewers. Anxiety is among the most common mental health conditions throughout the world. Anxiety can produce physical symptoms such as chest pain, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, sweating, trembling, nausea, tangling or numbness, muscle tension. Panic attack can close the wisdom heart attack, which is why many people seek emergency medical care. Effective treatment offense includes cognitive behavioral therapy, best non-accibity, medication when appropriate, regular exercise, good sleep habits, stress management techniques, and mindfulness relaxation exercise. And you point out many of those uh uh uh key facts uh uh that were that are listed on this. You exercise, you make sure that you you eat well, and there are some some the chest pain that you mentioned you experience that the dizziness, this the the the the sweating the the which uh nausea you mentioned that what about the tangling and numbness? The tingling numbness. You you you also mentioned that so before we even finish this, I wanna share some statistics on that. According to research, there is a 3.5 million people throughout the world who are suffering who actually so were who were diagnosed with anxiety in 2021, yeah, making anxiety disorder the most common mental health disorder period. And it's not only in the US, it's throughout the war. Approximately 4.4 percent of the world population is affected by anxiety disorder. In the US, about 19.1 adults, nearly one in five adults experience anxiety disorder in any given year. Women are more likely than men to experience anxiety disorder. In the US, there is a 20.4% of women experience an anxiety disorder each year compared to 14.3 of men. Wow, it's a big, it's a large gap, almost double. Yeah, wow. It's a huge gap. Only about one in four people worldwide with anxiety disorder receive treatment, despite effective treatment being available. So that's crazy. Yes. And if you were to say something of that on that, what that would be as crazy as it sounds, you could see it.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

You see with women's hormones, PTSD, um, all of um postpartum, it's we we need help.

SPEAKER_02 50:06

We do because we do because anxiety can produce very real physical symptoms. Like we mentioned earlier: dizziness, uh, uh chest pain, rap rapid heart or beat, shortness of breasts, nose they are sweating, and you name it. And those symptoms, they are weird.

SPEAKER_00 50:26

And also it affects your everyday and how you behave. But sometimes it could be anxiety and it makes you cranky. So you you're attacking everybody. And that's what that was me yesterday. My anxiety was so high that everybody who came was like in front of me, I was ready to attack because I couldn't control it until I took my medication and I had to do breathing exercises. So it's real, and we need to seek help however it is, so we can be better people in a better world.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

Yeah, yeah. And and I think you know, today's conversation is something that should resonate with everybody to remember to remember that anxiety is real, yeah. And if you ever have to deal with it, don't feel ashamed, yeah, don't feel less than you were supposed to. Yeah, and there always gonna be help around. Yeah, and because you know you you go and seek for help, it doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you're actually strong.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

Exactly. You're willing to put that aside and make yourself better. That's that's a strength, that's not a weakness.

SPEAKER_02 51:34

Exactly, exactly. And if you feel like sometimes, you know, hey, you don't have enough strength to make that phone call, have a friend, a family member, a church person make that phone call on your behalf.

SPEAKER_00 51:48

Yeah, so our your final thought, if you were to say something, like I said, you are we are okay, we need to be better. You are not alone in this. I go through it and I know I'm not alone. You're going through it in the in the dark, in the light, and you're not alone at all. Life will get better if you actually seek help. Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be scared of. You don't be nervous to be better because of what people are gonna say. The person who's judging you may be dealing with it too. So just love yourself for real, and that's a form of self-love, actually, it's self-care. Seeking the help that you need to be better. It was an honor to be here. It was a breath of fresh air to actually be able to talk about it in this new scale because usually it's with friends or close proximity, but being able to share this with whoever has access was an honor. And I hope that this people are touched by it. Um, and this pushes them and motivates them to actually one seek help and to be at the feet of Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

Girl, I don't think I have enough words to say thank you. You know, it's okay sometimes to have this conversation or you feel comfortable to have those type of conversation with family, friends, you know, behind closed doors. But for you to be brave enough, to be brave enough, and to calm and expose, you basically expose yourself naked, yeah. You know, for everybody to know what's been going on with you for the past only God knows how many years, and besides going through all the misery that you went through, but you are still standing, yeah, you're still pushing, you're still fighting, and you don't have no plan to give up on you. No, I commend you. Thank you, and thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you. I know sometimes it's not easy, you know, to be vulnerable about yourself is not easy. It's very hard for you. It's not it's not easy, but you delivered pretty well.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

Thank you, thank you so much.

Final Encouragement And Closing Words

SPEAKER_02 54:19

Before you know, I let you go. I'll say this. Today's conversation reminds us that anxiety is far more than feeling nervous or worried. It is a real medical condition that affects the mind, body, relationships, career, and quality of life in general. For many people, anxiety is invisible until it becomes overwhelming enough to send them to the hospital. Yet, behind every statistic is a human being with a story, a family, and a desire to feel well again. If you are struggling with anxiety, no, you are not weak, you are not alone, and you are not beyond help. Healing is possible with the right support, treatment, faith, and community, recovery. We can become a reality. Let us replace judgment with compassion, silence with conversation, and fear with hope. Together, we can create a world where seeking help is seen as an act of courage rather than a sign of weakness. Once again, thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me on your wall with Dr. Beatrice Ippolit. So, until I see you next time, I say bye. Thank you.