Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Hello,
I am Dr. Marie Beatrice Hyppolite. I hold a doctorate in Health Science with emphasis on Global Health and master’s degree in social work. I have over 14 years of experience in the field of health and human services.
This podcast is primarily focused on mental health and the quality-of-life elements that affect it such as divorce, death, domestic violence, trauma, toxic relationships, and single parenthood to name a few. It is no secret that mental health challenges continue to profoundly impact modern society although not enough discussion is given due to stigma. Research has shown an increase of 25 % in mental health crises after COVID-19. It is important to have honest, uncomfortable conversations about mental health while being supportive. Although we are interdependent, change begins with the individual, hence “your world.”
I welcome you to join me on my journey and look forward to your responses.
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Raising Capable Kids Starts At Home
Love isn’t a weekend; it’s the weekday work that keeps a home standing. We get real about why marriages buckle under uneven chores, late-night fatigue, and money leaks—and how early training, cultural flexibility, and everyday teamwork can flip the script. From the first sweep of a messy floor to the last dish washed, responsibility becomes a love language that lowers resentment and lifts connection.
We trace how upbringing, and for some, military habits, forge useful rhythms: inspections, standards, and pride in a job done right. That structure doesn’t make a home stiff; it frees everyone to breathe. When kids learn to cook, clean, and help without prompting, couples get back precious hours and energy. We talk frankly about culture and gender: what happens when old norms meet new realities with no extended family to lean on. The answer is not lectures—it’s practice. Cook while I help with homework. Fold while you prep lunches. Batch meals to cut costs and preserve energy. Romance returns when exhaustion leaves.
We also tackle expectations that shift from dating to marriage. Money now funds roofs, insurance, and futures, not just dinners out. That doesn’t mean love gets dull; it grows steadier. And when conflict hits, we walk through timing, tone, and tactics: acknowledge feelings, keep a small thread of connection, cool off, then solve the root. Whether you pray or pause, action must follow intention. Our throughline is companionship—the friendship that holds when the house is quiet and the lights are low. If you’re ready to trade chaos for cooperation and turn chores into connection, press play, share this with your partner, and leave a review so more couples can find practical peace.
Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Beatrice Hippolid, and this is your world.
SPEAKER_04:Now, if children grow up and and they're 15, 16, sometimes they even go up to 23, 24, 25, even up to 30. The thing about it is they have chores to do, they should do their chores. If they have the floor to sweep, and that floor gets dirty during the week, you should be able to pick up a broom, sweep, and clean that that floor. And don't leave it for Saturday when the mother then comes in and says, Oh, the place is so dirty. Oh, and then she has to now clean the whole place from top to bottom. That should not be. When I was a young man, and so even as a young man, as I grew, on Saturdays, I would clean the whole place from the attic straight down to the basement.
SPEAKER_00:Because it was a choice I was giving.
SPEAKER_04:Right. And the thing about it is it's something that I then had to do, something that I wanted to do. I want, I and I had pride. I wanted to make sure that the house was clean, that my parents don't have to do all this lot of stuff. But the thing about it is a lot of parents who speak to me are telling me the children don't even want to lift a pin from off the floor.
SPEAKER_00:Because they set up the grounds for that.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, and and they don't even want to come in the garden to help. They don't want their fingers or their nails to get dirt, you know, in their nails or their fingers. All the children want to do all day is sit and and you know how many parents have told me the same thing over and over again. They want to they they want to um on the television, the games. They have a tablet, they're laying down, and and and and you know, and a lot of children don't want to do anything now these days. So I I put a lot of blame on this social media. Yes, social media.
SPEAKER_00:But you know, parents are responsible as well. That's right. Because you know what you just mentioned, I know a couple, they have three kids. But I think the kids, you know, two are in college and one still in high school. The mother wanted to babysit, but the father was not up to it. The father makes sure that hey, you know what? Even you know, when the father is caught in grass, he will not do it alone.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:He will have so like the two boys, they have to be out there with him. With him and do the work together. Yes. Because he always believes if that will take him like two hours to do it, would they help us those two boys? He will take him only 30 minutes or less than an hour. Yes. And after his wife cooked, he's like, hey, I don't want to see my wife in the kitchen doing anything else. That we kids, he said, you ate. Now it's time to do the dishes. Absolutely. And when they when when the kids are away, he will be in the kitchen doing the dishes. So that's all story. So is that oh, men don't do this, men don't do that. You give me a break.
SPEAKER_04:Great. And one thing I can tell couples from my experience, um, don't ever give children a day to do dishes. Because everybody comes and they throw the dishes in the sink, and those dishes stay there all day. And then if you ask one to wash, no, no, no, no, it's so-and-so day. No, no, no, no, no, it's Danny's day, no, no, no, no, it's Jane's day, and those dishes keep building. What I would tell couples or or to do, each man jack, when he uses a dish, wash it back, dry it, and put it back away in the cupboard.
SPEAKER_00:You just mentioned something, Captain Guan. Uh I'm gonna switch with titles because I know you are a reverent, you are a captain, and you have your doctorate as uh as well in ministry. You mentioned something. I know you serve in the army, yes, and what you just mentioned, don't you believe that your military training kind of shape you to be that person as well?
SPEAKER_04:Also, also, but I mean, what a very important thing is, and let me let me say this is my broad of C was very, very good. My brought up C was I learned to cook from a very early age because I I cooked and took care of my brothers and sisters. Now, I learned to sweep the house, I learned to wash clothes, wash dishes, and how we used to wash clothes before it was on the chicken board, you know. There was a um uh a galvanized type thing with the wood, and and and we and I had to help my mother um um scrub and wash the clothes, you know. Now they have washing machines, right? I used to hang all the clothes out uh on the line, right? The whites, I used to get a little bowl, and I would take um there's something called blue soap or sunlight soap, and um I would um do that and and and put it in a little bowl with some water and then let that sit in the sun for a day. By the time you finish your clothes, a white, the ring around the collar, everything is is is gone. So I learned to do a lot of that stuff from small, so it's very important that the brought-up, see that you can.
SPEAKER_00:But when you got married, your wife did not have to struggle with you doing out shows, our shows.
SPEAKER_04:My wife couldn't even um cook. I used to cook properly, I used to do everything. You know, so when I got married, now I brought up my children into doing everything that they need to do. Now, when I went into the army, all that stuff you said that helped shaped me, you know, into being a motivated person, a motivated young man.
SPEAKER_00:To let the one becoming a great husband, yes, and a father, and a father.
SPEAKER_04:So now the thing about it is when I and and young couples or couples today always remember is it's you can have inspections with your children. I used to have them stand by their bed, their beds had to be made, and I used to pull their drawers, make sure their clothes were folded and everything, you know. So I did all that, so I gave my children correct brought up C also, right? So the thing about it is now, whatever or however they are today, it is because they are doing it themselves.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, they're not being supervised, or they're not being taught, or being uh being willy taught how to do things.
SPEAKER_04:They were they were taught, they were brought up the right way, okay, and they knew what they had to do. So, what I am saying is that the basic foundation was always set, so if they decide to stray uh uh uh a little, we I always pray that they will come back to that basic foundation and that brought up see that they were taught and brought up in. So it's very important you can never go around.
SPEAKER_00:These are your kids, yes, those were my kids in general. So many of them are not being taught that's right, you know, how to do things because you know I've seen kids who are 14 and don't know how to even make eggs. That's right, they don't even know how to and and especially, you know, like in my culture, it's a different ball game. My culture, I was born and raised in Haiti. So when I came to this country, I was already 30 years old. So it's like everything so that you know my country shaped me.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:So it's like uh I don't really, you know, have to worry about you know getting into inappropriate things in this country because I came with so much strong values. But back home, that culture does not allow men to do our shows, to be in the kitchen. Absolutely. And I remember I never liked that. I remember even as a young girl, I remember one time my father sent me to fix my brother's bed. And I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. He slept in his bed, he has to fix it. I fix mine. If the boy was found in the kitchen, they were like, you know, what are you doing here? Do a boys. Yeah, and you have a lot of boys like that who became men, eventually got married, leave the country. So even in the US, you know, a country where many of them live, they don't feel comfortable doing our show shows because it was not taught at home. So if you were to ask some of them, you know, I know a couple who moved to this country eventually got divorced because their husband feel that it was disrespectful for his wife to ask him, you know, to wash dishes after he ate. Yeah, so because it's something he could never understood, but I remember, you know, I I got involved in a situation or I was asked to be involved, you know, and I had to kind of really sit the man down and explain to him. So I understand. So when he said, Oh, I am Asian, and Asian men tend to be very poor, to be you know, and I'm not taking that away, but at the end of the day, the culture that you used to live now is no longer the same culture that you are living in. So it's like back home, most of the middle class people were able to afford to have an aid, yes, you know, to come and help them in their house while you work, so your wife for the most part, you know, probably will not work. Even for those who used to work, they will have that aid assisting them in their house. So as a man, you probably didn't have that much to do, or the grandparents used to be in the house, they will help. But when you come here, so it's you and the wife and the kids, it's nobody else. You don't have that aid. You cannot afford to pay for one. Yes, and you don't have the grandparents living in the household. So now, so you have to find a way to make life easy, easy, you know, for the both of you. Back home, you never had to do it, but in here, you have a wife who will go to work the same way as you, and sometimes may have two jobs, yes, you know, like uh putting a whole 14 or 12, 12, 14, 16 hours you know, for the day and come in the house to take care of the house or you and the kids. And so the big complaint was like, you know, his wife always tired. Yeah, or each time, you know, I try to touch her or have some intimacy, she always pushing my hands. Oh, and I'm like, at the end of the day, hear yourself how. Yes. Now you're talking like somebody who doesn't have a conscience. So you have your wife who works to job, tweak it, so she's up, you know, like four o'clock in the morning, she's already on her feet, and she won't go to bed until midnight or 12:30. So now you come, all you do is watch TV and with newspaper. Right. Because back home, you claim that you used to be an engineer. Yeah, but you're not an engineer here.
SPEAKER_02:That's right.
SPEAKER_00:You know, so it's like don't let the chicks that whatever title you had from back home, don't carry that chick on your shoulder while you have a family to take care of. Right. And I said that's that's number one. And number two, do you really care for that person? Because she isn't tired to be tired, too. Of course. So after putting 14, 16 hours out there, you know, come to the house to fix, to clean, and get the kids ready for school the next day, will go to bed at 12 in the morning. Now you want her to be available to have a good time with you. Yes, yes, you must be kidding me. No, if you want to have a good time, so make sure when both of you come in the house, whatever that she was doing, let's do it together. While she's cooking, make sure the kids are taking a shower, make sure that make sure that you do their homework. Then instead of her to go to bed at 12 in the morning, she will have the luxury to go to bed at nine. Then you have to work hours to enjoy yourself to play.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, but yes, and and and you know, you you you're so correct, and that is what the shared responsibilities are about um for um couples, and one thing I want to add also is that when you see the children reach a good and proper age, uh women sometimes tend to want to continue doing work. No, when those children reach of age, let them clean the house too, let them wash the dishes, let them do their chores also, and you take the load off of you because if you don't, those children are gonna grow up and they are going to be lazy. You see what I'm saying? So, this is very, very important, and you would find a woman saying, Oh, I I I I will do it, I will do it. No, let them do it. You cannot have big children sitting on their bed playing game and you cleaning the whole house. No, you can't do that. Let them do what they have to do.
SPEAKER_00:You see, when I have people's children, I don't have any children biologically, but I have way too many of them out there. Yes, yes. When I have people's children come over, so I love to cook. And kitty, they love to be around me because I joke with them, I have you know, conversation with them. So I'll take them places. But in the house, after, you know, if I have one or two, after I make breakfast, we I love to sit together, you know, be around the table together and have breakfast and talk. No fun. I will not allow no fun around. So we'll have a nice conversation, they will tell me about their school, you know, everything. So, and after that, and I said, Okay, be tree scooped. Now, who's gonna do the dishes? Yes, so and they will be looking at each other. I remember one time I had a boy, you know, after he ate, and he said, Oh, dishes? I thought you were gonna do that too. I said, No, I don't do two things in here, I only do one. I do one, you do one. So is that you really mean I have to do? And I said, That's what's gonna happen. So he was so happy to do it. So it's like, I'm gonna set up everything for you. Yes, and it's like, Eddie was like just laughing. I cannot believe that you know, Beatrice made me wash dishes, and I'm like, I cannot believe that you're having so much fun doing it. So, and next time, so you know, he was over, so it was like oh he knew what we had to do, and sometimes we make deal. So, if it is two of them, one will do the dishes in the morning, one will do in the afternoon. And I was like, Oh, oh, I have to do that every day, Beatrice. I said, unless if you don't want to eat every day, yeah. But if you eat every day, so dishes have you know really have to be made every day.
SPEAKER_04:This this should be done by a lot of parents, and they shouldn't have to be doing all the work um in the house, and you have big children um around. So that's the synopse of it, you know, and uh and and and and that is what brings good marriages, and it is so hard. Sometimes you have men who worked hard all their lives, you know, they they they did two do two, three, four jobs, you know, and uh, you know, they're now beginning to get a little time off for themselves. And we didn't cover that part, you know, where there are men who were out working, men who really love their homes, men who really love their wives and their children, and and and they were out working to make sure that the wife don't have to go out and and work, or she doesn't have to go out and do all the things that um right, and a lot of the other women are jealous in her because you know their husband would not do that for them, you know, and so forth. But the thing about it is men sometimes do over and beyond. So I am gonna give a little kiddos to some of the men that are out there that really do more than they should be doing. You see, so all around you um take it, if everybody was to put together in a family children doing their chores and giving daddy and mommy um a break, who brought them up, who worked hard, and who saw about them and for them, then that will give mommy and daddy some time. And then mommy wouldn't have to be coming down on daddy, but daddy would have to be going down on on the mother. But is that a responsibility that children will take upon them just because you have to make sure that it is done. So those are some of the important things of of of um of uh families, you know, of uh marriages, and all of this constitute to good um marriages. But as we did, we looked at um uh divorces, and this thing about um uh 90% of college, you know, women, and that is women who are educated, things of that nature, is because they know better, they know better, and they're working too. So it's hard, it's hard on them. And some of the things that a lot of these women um go through is um you know, unequal household and child care responsibilities. That we just thought we just spoke about what we just spoke about, you know, they have lack of personal growth, financial um issues, you know, uh uh most of them, and fidelity or broken trust or or or broken trust, you know, and and and the thing about it is I would say, men keep what you have in your pants. Men, there is nothing different out there, you know. God has blessed you with a wife, right? She has the same thing, the same as anybody else. Thank God for your wife, stick with your wife, right? Wives, stick with your husbands. Uh uh, no other men out there have anything uh uh uh different, you know, stick with each other and try to make it as best as possible. If you're a little upset, if the man calls you, just don't and and don't answer and all that stuff, you know. Try to try if you see him trying to talk to you, then you should you know reciprocate. Try and not talk to him. That's how marriages grow, you know, but it's something that I hope a lot of people who are out there on TB land, um, what they heard here today is is something they can put into motion.
SPEAKER_00:And for many people, you know, Dr. Graham, who entered uh into that life, which is marriage life, they oftentimes tend to take it very lightly. It's a major responsibility. It is one difference that I want people to make the marriage life is different than the wedding party. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. The wedding party, that's where you know all the time. That's all nice and all the fun and the grill will happen, yeah. But the day after that day, yes, that's when you know the dance, they will dance, yes, yes, starts. And we cannot decide to pick and choose or get angry or irritated at any little thing.
SPEAKER_04:See, we wait. What you just said there, this is why before you get married, ensure you have someone that you can be friends with. Because after all the song and the dance and all that stuff, and both, and then now it's just both of you are uh uh together. If that friendship is there, oh man, you know, hey, so that happened today, blah blah. So how did you go today? You know, you could and you have that that friendship. You can't always be in bed having sex, you know. You you're not life, yes. That that's that's not life, you know, but friendship is very important that you can do things to um together. You know, the man can cook today, the wife can cook the next two days, and you gotta be smart. Don't be cooking every day. You know, you you you cook today, cook for the next two days or or so. You save on uh on the gas. You know, you you you don't have to do that.
SPEAKER_00:Not only saving, you know, you save on the gas, but your energy as well. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_04:And you don't have to worry about standing on your legs and and and and doing all the cooking and all that stuff, you know. You you you just give yourself a bit more time to be with each other, to relax, be with the kids.
SPEAKER_00:One thing that most likely young women complain about is like, oh, it's not the same man that I used to date. Yeah, yeah. It's not the same man who used to be my boyfriend. Yeah, oh now, since we got married, he becomes a whole different person. Yeah, hear me out. When we were dating, you were trying to get to know me, yeah. You know, so you will be as nice as only God knows. Yes, yes, you know, now so we pass that stage.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You know, we're no longer dating. Now we are boyfriend and girlfriend. So comes if we play with this. Now I'm not trying to invite you out every day, right? You know, so that which though that would be nice, you know, to spend time. It's not a reality, so but it's not the reality. Because now as a boyfriend, now if uh I already see that I want to take that relationship further down, so now I have to start making plans. Yes, you know, if I didn't have a house, so now so it's like I probably, you know, what before I get married or taking that relationship to a different level. So now I want to have a house. Yes, now I want to have this. I want to prep if we want to get married, prep for the wedding. Um so then the amount of money that I used to spend on taking you out for dinner or travel or things like that. Now then other power with it. So now we start to start putting money aside, you know, for the next stage of our relationship. Now we got married. You starting calling me stingy because I don't I don't take you out for dinner anymore. So it's like I know, but I know it's not because it's like we have to understand. So now we're no longer dating, yeah, we're no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, we are a married couple. Yes, now we have we are living under the same roof. Now, children are gonna be coming sooner or later. Yes, so every penny is now count. Yes, yes, and and so it's like you may get pregnant. I don't know how your pregnancy is gonna go along. You may be out of work for the entire nine months, yeah. You know, if you don't get lucky, you know, because some women you know carry their pregnancy in bed, yes, it also we just hope for when somebody gets pregnant for them to be healthy, healthy, the women. Or you have you have insurance, and now so if you have a mortgage, whatever that you used to pay in weight, it's not the same in you know, paying a mortgage. And while you're dealing with a mortgage, you know, now you're dealing with the water bill, yes, you're dealing with the heat disks, the taxes and everything. And now you have to get ready to bring children in too. So then I cannot be the spender that I used to be when I used to date you. When I used to date you, there was no commitment. Yes, you know, when you used to be boyfriend and girlfriend, there was no commitment. Yes, I buy you gifts as I pleased. But now, as a wife, as a husband, yes, you know, I'm responsible of everything. Yes, I'm responsible of you know, like make sure that hey, that wolf, you always have a wolf over your head. I make sure that you know, so the kids, you know, can have the basic needs met and everything. So now we have to understand each stage of our relationship is gonna be different. Yes, yes. You know, so now if you get married and see that your wife or your husband don't treat you the same way as they you don't understand there are certain ways. I remember last time I had the pastor in the show, he said something that was very important. Sometimes, even if we see things that used to be done when we used to be dating or being in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. So you can just remire the other person. Yeah, you know, so you used to be this, you used to pull the chair when we go to the western, you used to open the door. Yes, you know, you can trust, you can constantly remire that the person, you know, to do nice things, but you know, in terms of spending, know that you know, it can't no, it's not gonna be the same. And especially women, you know, oftentimes tend to get angry about it and claim that, you know, so some women nowadays they don't even want to work, right? They want the men to provide with everything. Let me tell you something. I'm not gonna lie to anybody. If I were a man, for a woman to think that I'm gonna take care of you, marry you, and take care of you, you stay in the house and have a zillion time in the world, that will not happen with me if I were to be a man. Because at the end of the day, I feel that when people walk as a person, when you walk, it's a sign that you know you value your dignity.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You have to work when two people walk, the better that you can offer you know our lives in the house or can be.
SPEAKER_04:And and make a way for when the kids come and so forth. And and there's nothing about saving, and and what I should say is that a lot of people start saving. The trend of today is that when the people are are young, every day they have to be buying food. That's another big thing, and food has to be is being transported to um the house. It's it's it's all part of that social media business. So they have Uber Eats and they have this eats and they have that eats, and they go to their phone and okay, let's get pizza today, and let's get a roti and so forth tomorrow, and and and and this the next day, and every day, and then it becomes something they can't wait until they. Phone rings to know that the person is out there bringing the food. They go out and they they get the food. Many times you don't even have to pay them because everything is done over the phone. But to touch the bag and to and the smell of the food and to bring it in and and and and and and it that's a whole new world.
SPEAKER_00:Their hands not functioning anymore. So you don't you don't see them uh you know by their oven cooked, by their stove cooking.
SPEAKER_04:That's right. Everything now is is is is free to them. And and uh they get it taken out and they smell it and okay, and they start to eat. And when they do hear the shout, they eat a little bit of of it and then take it, wrap it up in the in the brown paper bag, and just put it in the fridge. And that will stay there for the next three days until they throw it out, until it throws out, you know. So is it all of these trends are uh are coming in. So when we talk about uh marriage, that's it's a waste, it's a waste of money. It's a waste and waste of money, and and and the young ones need to know from now, and not only the young ones, they have the women who don't even like to cook these days, and they always send in for food too. They're always at the um Chinese um uh shop, the Chinese place, you know, getting um food, you know, and things like that. And all of these add a stain, and hear my word, add a stain to the marriage.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, don't get me wrong, I don't think that Captain Graham wants people not to enjoy some good time out. Of course, of course. Well, you know, so we all know that because I don't want people to think that you know, oh, it's like oh, those people are trying to lecture me on this or that, but spending that much money on food while you could have stay in inside and inside a little something, yeah. And sometimes, you know, when you cook, not only you you you know what you you're eating, yes, you spend less. Yes, you spend less, you know, and even like for bringing uh food to work. If I cook for two days, I'll feel a little something, right? And we know you know we know about bringing food to work instead of going by the job and send it 20, 25 dollars, you know, so it's like that will be a money saved for many days, yes, for real because winny days always gonna come, and we don't know when it's gonna come when it's gonna come.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and it and it's it's so true, and and you know, I'm sure a lot of um married couples today uh who will be seeing this um will agree, you know, that and especially in today's world, new tariffs are uh are uh going out again, you know. The the everything we buy is now more expensive, more expensive, even even the furniture, there's tariffs going out on the even the furniture and so forth. Yeah, that happened recently, a day or so ago. So, you know, the thing about it is it's about saving and saving for a rainy day. That is so important. And you, you know, within marriage, you know, there's so many things that we can touch on that helps build um uh uh a marriage, that helps build a family. You know, it's it's not only talking about the bedroom, you know, it's talking about all the different things that we can do, you know, that that that comprises of a marriage, comprises of a home, comprises of the wife and husband and their children, and probably an extended family, like a grandmother they may have living with them, or something like that. You know, so this is a very, very good topic and some good points that we have brought out that I'm sure a lot of people say, ah, you know, that's true. I I will start doing that. You know, young people who who are listening can say, Yeah, you know, young people, couples, young uh uh uh couples who is going to get married sooner or later.
SPEAKER_00:And I've seen research also argues about higher expectations for for marriage, yes, where women often expect marriage to full full emotional companionship and partnership needs.
SPEAKER_04:So companionship. That's one of the the most important things um uh in in marriage, you know. Um people look for companionships, and that all again starts with friendship, you know. And the thing about it is we should be able to come home and sit together and and and and and watch a movie together, or sometimes just just being home, you know. The thing about it is uh I know what I have been through is that um I go upstairs and my wife is asleep. And the thing about it is uh when you've worked hard and long hours and all that stuff for many, many, many years, and you've done two jobs where you work night and day and things of that nature, then when you retire, um it's hard to say that you're going to sleep at 11 o'clock or 10. By the time you go to sleep at 10 or 11, when two o'clock, you're up.
SPEAKER_00:You're up, you know, because that used to be the pattern.
SPEAKER_04:Yes. So the pattern of life that you had, you know, you sometimes you go to sleep four o'clock, three o'clock, after half past three, and you're you you try to work that out, you know, you're trying to work it out. So I have gone from like about four o'clock now to sometimes um probably half past three or or sometimes after two, you know. And and so you're really trying to fight it. But the thing about it is the point I wanted to make was you go up at three o'clock in the morning, but if you go up at three o'clock in the morning, as soon as you open the door and you get in, your wife turns. So it's like, okay, well, he's up now, you know. So it's like, okay, I feel comfortable now, you know, and and you know, that that sort of thing. Um, so so it's about that friendship from the beginning, it's about that companionship, you know, it's about uh uh being there for each other, um, uh no matter what. So if my wife gets upset and blah, blah, blah, she's not talking and so forth, I will pray. You know, and I will pray that uh she will get over that mood.
SPEAKER_00:You say something that is very important. It's for you who believe in prayer, so so you are really attached with God and the service that you do in church and for God. Right. But what about those who don't have any faith? Well, you know, for because I can pray, but I I believe that while I am praying, but I should know what makes that person upset. Yes, yes because if I don't know what makes you upset to address it, the appropriate way I can keep on praying until God knows and the problem will never be solved.
SPEAKER_04:Well, the thing about it is for the person that does not um pray, for the person that does not know anything about having faith or so forth, what I would say is look, just have patience. You know, just have patience. Don't get into any fight, don't get into any old talk, you know, just as as as as we do. Just just just keep quiet, you know, wait until um the other person is out the mood, you know.
SPEAKER_00:But with Rand Graham, you don't think that it is important to address the problem? Because I've seen, you know, oftentimes it's men's mentality, you know, to just walk away. You know, so I you know what, we're not talking about walking away. No, that'll be done. We're in good house because because in a way, it's a form of walking away because you pray and you don't say anything, you zip it. Well, you know, okay, while you know, if you were to have a person.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, but let me explain this. One thing about um uh woman, I I have realized, and sometimes men too. Um, you know, uh, you come in, she's vexed, she's upset about something, you know, and then you you go and and you're trying, but listen, uh that that that that that oh and and oh and that just adds fuel to the fire.
SPEAKER_03:What do you say? Well, I tell you, yeah, and the same thing I'm telling you, and then she goes off, and then he says, uh, what you screaming at me for?
SPEAKER_04:And that that that and she says, I scream, I'm telling you, and he said, Excuse me, and and then he gets up, and then something uh uh uh goes on, you see, and that happens humanly all the time. So the best thing that uh a person can do, whether it's male or female, which sex is it that mood, you come in, you still say hi honey, or you use you you still say good afternoon, or whatever, and that's a key that you're there with them still.
SPEAKER_00:But I think you know, you know, for me, whatever that is bothering somebody or whatever the subject the person may engage into, the first thing that you know I'll try to understand or to do is to acknowledge your feeling. You're upset where you already know the you know, so it's like and talk to them. No, no, I acknowledge your feelings. So it's like if you get upset about that lie that was being on all day, yeah, okay, I understand, and uh you know, but if you want to talk about it, we're gonna have to have a you know a calm conversation because while you're up there, I cannot go and with you up there in noise because all you are making is noise. Yeah, so if I try to engage you through that noise, your voice will not be heard, and my will not be heard, then both of us have to be calm and have a conversation about it. Absolutely. So it's like uh if I was wrong or I made a mistake, acknowledge my mistake and apologize for it and make sure going forward so that will not happen anymore. But and for you to do the same thing.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, but before you even reach to that point, remember you came in, person is upset. Um you you you you can't even talk, talk to the person. If you cannot talk to the person because that person is gonna jump off the bridge and and carry on and all that stuff, you don't go there. You see, you you you you step away. And and and the thing about it is even if you come in the room or you come in and you still say hi, and if that person didn't answer, that person still heard you say hi, so there so there's still a connection um there. That person knows that you're there, you still spoke, you know, you're still nice, uh uh and all that stuff, but the person is is upset, right? So as long as you you know connected and you just step back, you know, and you just let that person go through. And then some some people say, uh honey, uh, do you want um uh a cup of tea or something like that, you know, and the person try to ease it. Yeah, yeah, you try to ease it, but but the person still talking. Okay, so you just keep quiet, you know, but you are still showing that you're still lovable, you know, you're still attached, you know, and things of that nature. And that that person, when that person comes down eventually, then you can move in with uh something else.
SPEAKER_00:Oh you know, hey, so I have something I want to weed, it's uh some benefits, yes, and negative impacts of uh divorce. According to research, there are some significant benefits and there are some significant negative impacts on divorce. And I'm gonna start with the benefits.