
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Hello,
I am Dr. Marie Beatrice Hyppolite. I hold a doctorate in Health Science with emphasis on Global Health and master’s degree in social work. I have over 14 years of experience in the field of health and human services.
This podcast is primarily focused on mental health and the quality-of-life elements that affect it such as divorce, death, domestic violence, trauma, toxic relationships, and single parenthood to name a few. It is no secret that mental health challenges continue to profoundly impact modern society although not enough discussion is given due to stigma. Research has shown an increase of 25 % in mental health crises after COVID-19. It is important to have honest, uncomfortable conversations about mental health while being supportive. Although we are interdependent, change begins with the individual, hence “your world.”
I welcome you to join me on my journey and look forward to your responses.
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Vows, Fractures, and the Work Between
What keeps a marriage alive when the butterflies fade? We open the door to the unglamorous truth: friendship first, daily care second, and a covenant that means something only when both people honor it. With Reverend Dr. Captain David Graham, we trace the arc from dating and courtship to the quiet rituals that build a life—late-night feedings, shared shows, and the simple tenderness of holding hands on a walk. Then we face the hard parts head-on: when does forgiveness heal, and when does it become a leash? Where does scripture meet safety, and what happens when truth arrives late?
We unpack divorce without euphemism. Infidelity remains a clear line, but abuse and abandonment are also a breach of the promise in practice. The emotional labor gap takes center stage—why so many women file, especially among college-educated couples—and how unchecked neglect turns spouses into supervisors. We get practical about change: split the work, learn to change diapers, pack lunches, run bedtime, and give children chores. Homes run on habits, and habit by habit, resentment can soften into respect.
Biology enters the conversation too. Menopause and andropause reshape bodies, moods, and intimacy, often without warning. Instead of fighting the thermometer, learn the season. Show up for appointments, ask better questions, and treat discomfort with dignity. Counseling and faith can work together, not at odds, when the goal is repair rooted in reality. If you stay, stay with boundaries and effort. If you leave, leave for safety and healing, not secrecy. Subscribe for more candid conversations on marriage, mental health, and the everyday skills that make love last—and share this episode with someone who needs both hope and a plan.
Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Beatrice Hippolyte, and this is your world. Hello everyone, welcome back to a brand new episode of Your World with Dr. Beatrice Hippolyte. Today we're gonna have a very good show. We have the privilege to have a very special person with us today. And the subject that we wanna talk about today is marriage and divorce. And without further say, I want to introduce to everyone watching or listening Reverend Dr. Captain David Graham.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to be here.
SPEAKER_01:Welcome to the show.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:So I know this subject is a subject that is very close to heart, and it's a subject that you kind of like invest into, and you really show a lot of interest into that subject. Yes, you know, for somebody who's been married for over 34 years, you know, so it's quite a long time. Yes. So walk us through it. What is marriage? And down further down, we're gonna address what is divorce, why people get married, why people get divorced, and so the mental challenges or impact that uh goes along with that.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you see, marriage is a beautiful thing, number one, it's a lifelong thing, number two, and the thing about it is people meet people, men meet women, women meet men, and there is a desire, there is a want to get to know each other. And when we grew up years ago, you know, we were taught the importance of friendship first. So there was a thing about dating, and you had to date each other, and after you date, then comes courtship, and within courtship then comes the thoughts of getting married because they get to find out that they can deal with each other, they know each other, they love each other, they know that things are clicking between themselves, and if there was any incompatibility, so they will sort it out, they can and they know how to um sort it out. The thing that comes with that too is very important. Friendship should be number one. Because even within a relationship, a marriage, there is supposed to be friendship, and that friendship then lasts a lifetime, it's a lifelong thing. So the importance of marriage is to know that we want to do things together forever, for a long, long, long time to come. And the thing about it is marriage equates with God, who has a covenant with his people. So, therefore, when you are thinking about getting married, it's also a covenant that you are building between both of you, and that covenant is very, very sacred. See, so this is why before they don't do it now, but this is why it is so important to wait until you get married to start doing the things that God has equated us to do in marriage. And after you get married, then it is so important that you do what you have to do after you get married, and this is how um families are formed. This is how children, you know, come. And the beautiful thing about a man and woman, husband and wife, sharing the responsibilities of taking care of the child and and feeding the child even at uh two, three o'clock in the morning and things of that nature. So that is marriage, and that is how people look forward to getting um married. When you look forward to get married, it's not only about the sex part, but it's about the intimacy, it's about the sitting in the chair together, it's about watching a show together, it's about holding hands, it's about taking a walk together, it's about you know arms around each other. Um, all that comes within marriage, but that also comes with let's grow old together, let's take care of each other together. So, all of that is marriage.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so now we get uh like a clear understanding of marriage, yes, and can we have uh a clear understanding of divorce as well before we got into the questions?
SPEAKER_00:Oh boy. Well, divorce is something that God never intended for a marriage couple to go through, and what God wants a married couple to do is to work out their differences as the best they can. Now, divorce, if the man or the woman goes and have a relationship with somebody else, and goes to bed with somebody else, that is grounds for divorce. But God never intended a couple that he brought together, that he put together to split and walk away from each other.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, I've noticed that you only mention infidelity as one of the serious causes for divorce, but there are many other situations that can be also considered for divorce. If I'm in a relationship, you know, where I'm being uh beaten or being treated in a in a way that is not acceptable. So I think, you know, so as a woman, I am entitled to consider not to stay in that relationship because I was married, you know, to not like you describe all the things, all the good things that comes along with marriage. So if I got to a point and I'm not benefiting any of the things that you you mentioned prior, then what's the point for me in to stay in a marriage where I'm being treated less than what I was supposed to? I am being called ugly, I'm being called name, I'm being treated very like not a human being. So I'm in that way, myself or anybody dealing with a situation like that is entitled to say, you know what, let me call it out.
SPEAKER_00:And and and the other grounds for divorce is also abandonment, and that can fall on the abandonment because the thing about it is if a man starts treating a woman like she's dirt, he he walks away from her, he comes back, he beats her, he he he calls her names, she suffers emotional breakdowns, right? He does not take care of her and things of that nature, and at any given time he can come back and and strike her to the point and kill her. That is not an environment for her to stay in, right? And that is grounds for divorce, also. You see, and it goes vice versa, and it goes it goes vice versa. If a uh woman do it too, not only the men. Women she they they come in and uh they're so jealous if they see him talking to a person from the office or that and and they bring something and hit him over his head and and and and squirreling and carrying on and screaming and all that stuff, you know, that's a relationship that he cannot stay in.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because you get into a marriage relationship to go to prosper, to grow to flourish, to grow, you know, together. But if you got into in a situation where you say, hey, what I sign up for, or you know, it's uh it's different ball game by all means. So you cannot you cannot and you should not allow anybody whatsoever to treat you less than you were supposed to.
SPEAKER_00:Now, the thing about it is see that type of abandonment, because there are certain things you do in a marriage, right? And that is to prosper each other. Once you are doing the reverse, then you're wrong. Now, what God would expect a couple to do is to look for counseling or you know, anything of that nature. If that person still continues carrying on that abandonment to his wife or the husband, you know, then it's grounds for um divorce. Now is what comes after that. You see? Now, the thing about it is when you are married, and if a person gets a divorce, sometimes that person feels that they can go and remarry again and and and and sleep with the other person, right? But the thing about it is as long as you see you have a spouse and that spouse is still alive, you know, there's something in the word that talks about committing adultery because your spouse is still alive. Now, if your spouse goes and infidelity comes into play, you divorce that that person, you can remarry and do you know sex or whatever, because that other person went into infidelity.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, let me try to understand that and for my viewers to understand it as well. Now, this is the reverend talking, you know. So, Reverend Graham. So, if I understood clearly what you just said, if in a relationship I decide to get a divorce with no cause of infidelity, I cannot go around and look for somebody else to remarry or enjoy life sexually because I divorced my husband. Right, right? Absolutely, and regardless whether I was 30 or 40 or whatever the age, right, so I should be remarried until that man die.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right, right. You can remarry if that person um die.
SPEAKER_01:Die. However, if I'm just trying to understand what you said earlier, if the husband committed adultery, right, then by all means I can go and remarry then her.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, you can you can remarry and you can have sex and enjoy yourself and so forth.
SPEAKER_01:Because in a biblical way, that's the way a divorce in a marriage will have been addressed.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yes, and that is how it has to be addressed, and that's according to the word. So you can't get away from that, you know. But if a person just decides to abandon and walk away and and and so forth, and that person is still alive.
SPEAKER_01:But wherever and ground, I'm not a pastor, or you know, so it's like I go to church, I call myself a Catholic, a person who's very active in the Catholic church, but there are other things that can happen for somebody to call for a divorce. Let's say, for example, uh, if I met with uh somebody and I didn't know that that person had children prior, and he never told me, or she never told the guy that uh there were children around. And I found out it like after I got married that that man, you know, had children, or that woman had children, but never really made that aware. So isn't that the grounds for divorce as well?
SPEAKER_00:No, no, it it it it it look when you when you marry someone that person's that person comes to the marriage with a lot of things in their closet, right? For instance, if it's big lies, well, whether it is is lies or or or not, that is still not grounds for divorce. You know, if two people meet each other, okay, and it is good that they can talk everything out, and this is why friendship brings that first. But if a man does not bring that into play and he does not let his his his his wife to be, no but look, he has two, three children um already out there, and things of that nature, and they get they get married. No, he is not married, he is still single. If he's still single, and it could happen vice versa. A lot of men marry women who had one or two children, but they she never got married.
SPEAKER_01:But Reverend Graham, you lie to me, you lie to me because we've been in a relationship for two years, three years. You never mentioned that you had three children until after I we got married two or four months, you know, I found that you have two children. Right. Two children that I was not ready to take upon that responsibility.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, now now if you decide to divorce him because he never told you the truth, or he never told you that and he okay, and even if he lied to you, but you got married to a single person, he got married to you. Now, if you don't have any children, okay, let's say even if you had one and you told him that that you have one and he still married you, but he did not tell you anything about his two uh children, then this is where forgiveness comes into play. You know, you have to forgive him for the lie that he told you, you know, before you got married. And it comes into the same play as if he tells you a lie within um a marriage, uh, you know, and you found out two months down um the road that he said that he bought this uh and it costs$65 and it really cost$22 because he knows you like expensive things, you know, but he still told you a lie.
SPEAKER_01:I understand the prototype that you wanna make, and I'm like, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard. I don't have children. I'm married. It's a man that I knew that never had children, that he will be the first person. Yes, that they would go to bed with you know I'll have I'll I will conceive with yes and to come to realize there were two children that I was never aware about. That's a big man. I don't know. I'm not trying to make walls or you know, in the church, of the Bible, but uh on a personal level, I'll I'll take that, I'll give that a really deep consideration.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, and you know, and and you know, the person, yes, will give that uh a deep consideration, but then when you go with the word and and and and you look at what the word uh talks about, you know, it's something that you're going to have to forgive him for.
SPEAKER_01:You see, you can't I'll forgive him, but I'll leave him too, you know, because because you know, I don't want to forgive him and not to be able to embrace those children because I feel that will be you know that will be a disservice to you know to me and to the kids. Yeah, because if I forgive him and be able to embrace those children as my, you know, because that's the way that I should. Forgive him for lying to me, but I might find my forgiveness, so I should be able to extend it to a point where I will embrace those two children as my and allow him to be the father that he's supposed to be into those kids' life. But if in deep in my heart I know I'm not up to that level, then what's the point to stay with him?
SPEAKER_00:I mean, the the thing about it is that has happened so many of times, and it's a good thing you brought that example up because women who who have gotten into that situation has turned around and loved those uh two or three um uh children, you know, then it took a long time before they forgave him, you know, of that lie because they got so attached now to the children and they love those children, you know, and and and and eventually, eventually, because of loving those two, three children that he lied to you about, then he becomes acceptable as time uh goes by. And that comes as what I just said before.
SPEAKER_01:But you know, if it was you know, if it was the other way around, the game will have changed. If it was him who had found that you know the lady, so it's like in a way, society had given you know men way too more uh uh freedom, you know, well to do things you know, so uh a certain way informed women to carry themselves a certain way. That's I always seen that as being unfair.
SPEAKER_00:He has always been like that. No, the thing about it is that's his excuse to leave you and go and marry another girl, and uh society will turn and say, Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's right, you know, and she should have that just happened.
SPEAKER_01:Then myself, I will not make it an excuse. I'll make it my right, you know. But to leave him, you lied to me, you had wicked, you never told me after we got married two months or three months later, you're gonna feel comfortable to bring that on the table. I love you, but I love myself more. I'm sorry. I respect the Bible, I respect the principle, but God gave me a life that I must cherish and love. If I know that taking that baggage is gonna bring a lot of anxiety, stress, and down though would get me, bring me into a depressive state, Mr. Graham, or with her and Dr. Graham, I'll call that marriage a quick.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I mean, that is up to you personally, you know. But what the Bible would expect of you to do is to forgive, you know, and and allow the marriage to blossom, you know, and and so forth. Because when we marry people, the thing about it is it takes a lifetime to get to know that person, it takes a lifetime because you marry someone, there's so much baggage in their closets, and the thing about it is every ever so often something falls out, and when that thing falls out, it shocks you. But I never knew that you uh could behave um uh like that, you know, and and and it it comes out, and then you now have to say, oh boy, well, you have to deal with it now, and you have to turn and forgive that person because you never knew he would um get on like that, or she will, or she would get on like that, you see, so it equates to the same thing, you know, but you just don't pick up and and leave him or leave her because they did that. You have to just learn to forgive them and and you keep going.
SPEAKER_01:You know, talking about divorce, yes, you know, so we'll get back to marriage because marriage is a beautiful thing. And for those of you who are married out there, I encourage you to stay married. So if there is any issue, like Dr. Groman just mentioned it, so try to seek therapy, you know, to kind of like you know, save that marriage. And those of you who are not married yet and wanna be married for whatever reason, I'm afraid, you know, please don't, because you would you're not in you're not allowed to live your life in any kind of way. So I'm not saying for people, if you feel that single life is the best life that you I always feel that single life is the best life ever. So if somebody wanna be single, hey, by all means, that's the choice that you make. Yes. So it's like, but at the end of the day, so it's like if you choose not to get married just because you're afraid, you know, please don't. Because you know, in marriage, there are a lot of craziness. There are times that you feel like killing that wife or killing that husband. But at the end of the day, you're still gonna feel consideration and love for that person.
SPEAKER_00:And and I, you know, even even in my marriage, um, you know, I many times have been saying, Wow, I didn't know that she would behave like that, you know, and and oh boy, that menopause boy is doing, and I said, Wow, but the thing about it is I have learned and I'm learning, and a lot of men need to know that they just have to learn to, and just try to work along as best as you can, and that is how a marriage grows, and then they will always be little pockets, there will always be little things that happen along the way, but you, you know, you you just can't rally say I told you all about no no no no. You try and you just and you forgive and you pray. That's the most important thing. You pray for your partner every day, especially when she's going through or he's going through their stuff. You know, now uh uh a lot of the professionals would agree with what I'm saying, and a lot of the women now are women professionals, they are now talking about addressing menopause, which is very important, yes, and and it's something that they never talked about, right? And uh women have gone through so much in menopause, and people don't understand, men don't understand, you know. When you come into the bedroom, the air condition is going, the fan is going, and then sometimes men don't understand. They they they they turn this off, turn, and then before you know it, it's back on again, and they have the heart on their head, and they they don't, you see, so and there are so many behaviors that come from the female, and then the male reacts, and then it's a a big fight, and things like that. So a lot of the women professionals are now talking about let's talk about menopause, and it's very important.
SPEAKER_01:And recently I was looking forward, you know, to get a professional, like a GYN doctor, you know, to talk and have a conversation about menopause and anthropause, because oftentimes we we we hear about menopause all the time, thinking that it's a female thing, right? But men go through phases as well. Yeah, so for women it calls menopause and for men it calls anthropause. But people people never people never know the men would even know what to say. Yes, so it's like hopefully one day I'll find a Giann who will agree to have a conversation with everybody because menopause really can bring a lot of changes into uh into women more, like body, you know, everything. Your your body, the changes in your body, relationship, you know, and a lot of more swing.
SPEAKER_00:And the the thing about it is um, you know, uh after uh counseling for so many years, um, you know, a lot of men always come over to me, hey man, what's happening, brother? You know, yeah, that that dot that. And I remember one day in particular, I went into um my jail of work, and this jail was the West facility. And I remember I went there and so forth, and this brother came up to me and he said, Hey Graham, oh man, I don't know what to do, man. He said, I went home. And when I went home, man, the wife was she's in that um what you call it, what do you call menopause thing? And he said that I work here with the with these men in jail, and I have to put up with so much. And then when I go home, then I have to put up, and that that that that he said, you know what I did, bro? He said, I just went upstairs to the attic and have we have beds and up there, and I slept up there. I just could not, you know, and then I had to tell him, I said, My brother, you have to try and understand. Just, just, and you did the right thing, you know, and then when it calmed down and it gets quiet again, then you go back and you you try to, you know, uh consecrate the relationship again. You try to talk to her, whatever, and you you just keep trying and you gotta keep praying every every day. And he is not the first person that came up to me and told me that.
SPEAKER_01:Of course, it's a big issue. I'm not a professional in the area, so I don't wanna have a conversation about menopause because I don't want to misguide people or provide with their one information, but I know so the changes like in the women's bodies, so and and emotionally, uh some of them can really behave, can really take it hole in you know, in the household. And but one thing that I will recommend for those men who tend not to understand, because they like, oh, all of a sudden my wife changed, and all she does is talk or complain about every single thing. So if you know, like you know, you've been with that person for 10, 15, or 20 years, you know that person was not the person that you've been here for 15 years or 20 years. So instead of complaining, I'll try to avoid having a conversation or address that person's needs, you know, it's like it's not helping. That can aggravate the person more or the situation even more. Of course. It's like, you know, if you have your partner or a wife, you know, and you think that, you know, hey, this is not the way that she used to behave, and you notice, and menopause used to be like something like, you know, like when people women turn 50 or you know, like uh or 60, nowadays it's no longer that age. Yes, it's you know, I know women who entered that phase uh, you know, in the 40s. In in the 40s. Yes. They I remember, you know, the last person, the youngest person I ever known who entered that phase was 35. You know, so it's like it's like we have to understand the women in our lives as men.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And so, and if any change, instead of trying to ignore the person, try to have a conversation. And you, if you have to go and have sit, you know, with you know, some, you know, like a professional, do so. Sometimes, you know, it's like you know, like going to a GYN doctor with your wife or your partner. It's not a oh, many men will say, oh, that's you know, that's a women's thing. No, because at the end of the day, if you try to understand your partner or your wife's body, how she's going through things that will help their family, you know, in a whole. So let's get back to divorce. So uh, if you were to give us some information about, you know, so uh for the most part, who normally initiate divorce?
SPEAKER_00:Well, studies have shown that um the woman. Okay, the woman has shown that, and and you know, it has shown that uh 65 to 70 percent of um women uh are initiating uh divorce. Now they're saying that um within college women it's about 90 percent.
SPEAKER_01:That high?
SPEAKER_00:Yes, that high. And that is what they're saying among college educated couples, wow, it's about 90, 90 percent. And there are a lot of reasons um um um uh for that. And a lot of the women today, you know, they're they're talking about um they're not equally yoked. And I mean when I say they're not equally yoked, I mean that women they go out, they work, and then after working, they have to come in and they have to clean the house, and they they they they they have to see about the children and and and they have to cook and they have to uh make the children lunches for the next day, they have to bathe the children, they have to put the children to bed, they have to sing the little song and stay with them until they go to sleep. And you know, the men used to say that you know, my wife is the last person to go to sleep at night, and she's the first person up in the morning.
SPEAKER_01:All of those things that you just mentioned that women normally do, where are the men?
SPEAKER_00:And and that's a very good point, and and the thing about it is if men also were to share some responsibilities, you know, and and it will make it easier. And a lot of the women who file for divorce and and all these things is because of of you know a lot of her needs not being met. Um, she is doing um most of the work. And typical guys, they come in and they just sit, they kick off their shoes, uh um uh pull off their socks, they just drop it right there, and they sit because the ball game is going on or the football is going on. They go, they get a beer, they they drink, they leave everything right there. She has to come and clean up your mess. And as a matter of fact, after a while the game they drop to sleep and they said she has to come and and wake you up and and tell you go to bed. So, in essence, after putting the children to sleep, she has to come now and put you, the husband, to bed. So, this is some of the things that a lot of women uh go through when children come. The men, if the child passes the wind or or or dirties the uh diaper, they I can't take that. Come, come, come, come and clean. You know, they have to leave whatever they're doing, come clean, put the child back on the father's lap, and then they gotta go back and then deal with the washing or the cooking or whatever the case may be. So, so you know, all of these things women have to go through. It's very emotional, you see, and then that emotion gets on them so much. That's and that's why some women begin to go into mental because it it is so much on them, and then they have to go and get up early to prepare the children for school and and and and and and go to the bus and and um and then go to work.
SPEAKER_01:And and it's it's a lot for one person, and I feel like in a relationship where the husband is uh uh uh is behaving as such, right, is not really helping. Yes, because so bearing my Dr. Graham, uh if uh you know, let's say for example, you know, you this is a you know you are dealing with a household with uh three kids or five kids, regardless of their age, and uh you watch your wife, you know, doing everything schoolwork, lunch, cooking, mapping, uh uh uh doing laundry, you name it, you know, she's on it. And you hear, you know? And so basically, you are if she had to wick it, now you become the fourth or the fifth child, of course, you know, into her plate. Yes. So it's that at the end of the day, after the woman dealt with that for a few years, don't get let me tell you something, Dr. Graham. Don't cut my head off. I'm human too. I have feelings. That's right. So she's she will when she got to a point where things, you know, she feels that you know, she got to it to, you know, to a point where enough is enough, she's gonna pack up and leave, or she will pack you off and get you out. Yeah, because at the end of the day, you're not the husband that she was looking for. If you be become like a a child added to the power that she's already taking care of, then what's the point to have you in the house? Because you're not you're not fulfilling your what your your your your your role as a father, as a father and as a husband, right?
SPEAKER_00:And and uh I'll throw a little sedir in here too. Now, the thing about it is you have you have men that do what they're supposed to do. You have men that help their wives, that comes in and helps with the kids and and and they pick up the children from school or or they go out and receive the children from the bus. You know, they have men that genuinely um um help, right? But then now the thing about it is as the children get older, children should be given chores. Oh, you nail it right on the spot, you see, and children should be given chores, and that takes the work off of the mother and the father, you know, if they both used to do things, okay? Or if the mother only used to do it, takes that pressure off of her. But what a lot of mothers like to do is still cradle their children as their children get older, and the pressure continues to build. You see, and then she feels oh well, you know, I have to get some exercise done, and that that and that gives me some exercise. The thing is, no, what you are creating in your children are it's not right, you know.
SPEAKER_01:You are creating children that are gonna grow up and don't want to do anything, and this is something responsible, yes, and that same child gonna grow up and be that lazy wife or lazy husband in the house.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, you see, and I wanted to bring these things really up front.