Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Hello,
I am Dr. Marie Beatrice Hyppolite. I hold a doctorate in Health Science with emphasis on Global Health and master’s degree in social work. I have over 14 years of experience in the field of health and human services.
This podcast is primarily focused on mental health and the quality-of-life elements that affect it such as divorce, death, domestic violence, trauma, toxic relationships, and single parenthood to name a few. It is no secret that mental health challenges continue to profoundly impact modern society although not enough discussion is given due to stigma. Research has shown an increase of 25 % in mental health crises after COVID-19. It is important to have honest, uncomfortable conversations about mental health while being supportive. Although we are interdependent, change begins with the individual, hence “your world.”
I welcome you to join me on my journey and look forward to your responses.
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Family Dynamics, Trauma, and Healing Through Community
Discover the transformative power of family dynamics and their enduring impact on our relationships with insights from our esteemed guest, Dr. Tatiana Hains. Learn how secure attachments and strong familial bonds provide children with the emotional safety needed to thrive and resist negative influences such as peer pressure. Through a compelling mix of personal anecdotes and expert analysis, we uncover why nurturing children is often more straightforward than altering entrenched adult behaviors, and how educators and mental health professionals play vital roles in shaping resilient, well-adjusted young individuals.
Explore the depths of complex trauma and its manifestation as a victim mentality that binds individuals in cycles of unworthiness and oppression. Dr. Hains shares strategies for breaking these chains through faith, self-affirmation, and intentional healing practices. We discuss the journey of embracing one's identity as God's masterpiece, fostering self-worth that transcends past traumas, and how forgiveness can release bitterness, allowing for healthier, more loving relationships to flourish.
Dr. Hains discuss how relational trauma shapes attachment styles, influencing our abilities to form healthy relationships. Unravel the connection between mental health and relational trauma, and dive into the importance of community and spirituality in healing. We delve into techniques such as dancing, Tai Chi, and creative arts as methods to regulate emotions and promote healing. Our conversation illuminates how community support and spiritual guidance can offer resilience and growth, ending with a heartfelt gratitude for the enriching dialogue shared.
Hello everyone. I'm Dr Beatrice Ippolit and this is your World, so let me let you continue.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, that is another topic.
Speaker 1:We need to have family in this society, mother and father.
Speaker 2:And God created family. He wanted a strong foundation of the household, and that's the first place the enemy breaks down. He goes into the home because if he could get the home separated and broken, he can break the identity of each person in the home, right, sometimes the girls and boys. They're running to fulfill a need too. You see, this is all coming from. Who's gonna love me? Are you gonna love me here? Are you gonna like me here? Well, if I can't, if you can't feel me emotionally, feel me physically, because what they're seeking for is because it's not present in the household.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, there's an emptiness and it doesn't matter the financial status. This is rich, middle class, poor, all races across the board. This is a universal humanity.
Speaker 1:I'm going to share that example with you. It was like high school back home. You know kids, you know they go to school. Sometimes they do their own thing, their own thing. And I will always remember that girl who a group of girls asked her to go to class, to go and do something crazy, and to my surprise the girl looked at the crew right in the eyes and said no, I cannot do that to my mother. My mother trusts me. Whatever that I want to do, if it is something my mother knows that is good for me, she will grant me the permission. I didn't have a conversation with my mother to go to school, to go to Fojak with you. I cannot do that to my mother and each time you know the opportunity comes for me to take a good example, I always pull that. You know I really love when she said my mother chose me.
Speaker 2:That's a secure attachment right there, exactly, exactly yes he honors her mother Exactly.
Speaker 1:So that's why, you know, if we create that safety net for our kids, so even if they go out there, peer pressure can be something, but if you create that trust, that safety net, another child may come to your child and say let's go and do this, let's go and do that. No, I cannot let go and do that. No, I cannot do that to my mom, I cannot do that to my father, because they know that, hey, in this house, whatever that is going on, they can come and have a conversation and they will not be know. Yes, so it's very important, it's so needed. I feel that society needs to recalibrate.
Speaker 2:Yes, I agree with you, dr Hippolyte, and this is one of the places that society needs to focus on. Recapitulating, because relationships is the key to everything in life. It impacts how we make decisions oh, what job am I gonna go for? What do I want to be when I grow up? But all of this is based on how we relating to one another, right, so we want to have this foundation that you know what you're worthy, you, you, you value to me, you, you, you have self-worth. I forgot. I think it was Frederick Douglass that said it is easier to repair a child than to fix broken men.
Speaker 1:and I know, Frederick Douglass and it's a very powerful statement and I can see where it's coming from. Yes, they fresh in the mind, they fresh in the brain.
Speaker 2:It's easier to come with direct, with caliber, with shifted yes, and you see, with children the brain is still developing, like you're saying, so we can create new neural pathways so that they can find new ways of learning, and the adults can learn too. But he said it's easier to repair a child than to fix a broken adult, because, bear in mind the child at a very early age.
Speaker 1:They are what you are feeding them. Yes, yes, but a man who's already a man. Look at myself now, who's already my age. I don't want to tell people my age, but I'm pretty sure some of them already did the math. They figured it out already. So myself was my age. So it's hard, you know. So it's like, and you know what. Can't teach your older dog new tricks. It's harder and whatever that I was like, you know I'm comfortable and I want to live by. The older I get, the more intensified, yes, those behaviors gonna become.
Speaker 1:Yes, so if I was like you know, like a hard-headed person, yes, so the older I get, it's not gonna get, you know, so it's gonna increase thank you, dr Hippolyte.
Speaker 2:Yes, that mindset is hard to change because the core belief, you know it takes, it's gonna take a lot of work, exactly because this is like in the subconscious so, and so that's what's great with with children that we can teach them a new ways of adapting new ways. And that's why they say um. One of the things that they say is great in the school system is when the teacher is like a, it can be a role model. A lot of kids say I, I made who I am today. I became who I am today because of the teacher, what I saw in the school. I became who I am today because that teacher took time to spend time with me. Well, we in the mental health profession, we also are powerful assets in humanity oh, yes, indeed, and so you know, we have the ability to speak life into those children, into that adult, you know.
Speaker 2:But the thing is that we have to also come with that mindset that, hmm, is that person dealing with an insecure attachment? Maybe not, or is there a trauma? And that's a whole other topic. We're just talking about relational trauma. I'm not even talking about the ACEs adverse childhood experiences which, dr Beers, I am a survivor of an adverse childhood experience, so I have my own trauma that I survived and overcame.
Speaker 1:We're not even talking about that category of trauma so now you already know how many times that you will have to come back to the show yes, no problem, we're only focusing on the one part, which is the relational trauma.
Speaker 2:Okay, so, um, let's, let's go to disorganized attachment now.
Speaker 2:Now, disorganized attachment this is the, because I have four questions for you, okay, that okay, this is the the last type of attachment style, but it's the third insecure attachment style, this disorganized attachment style, this one really illustrates maternal deprivation, because in this home the caregiver is the one that is abusive. Okay, for example, the child can grow up in a home where there's domestic violence, where the child, the parent, is very abusive. The parent is very appears very frightening to the child, right, and so that child internalizes I'm not safe. This is an unsafe, dangerous place that child also starts to because the parent is continuously abusive. That child now is saying I'm unlovable, I'm unlovable, they hate me. So this child now their identity, they grew up with this. I'm hateful, I'm unlovable. So now this is the child that can be the bully in the school, or the bully, the antisocial.
Speaker 2:down the bully, the anticipation showdown, the war by the time they earn you know, by the time they turn 18, you know, so conduct behaviors by the time they age or grow up, they're the child that's hitting in the school. They're hitting people. They're fighting with people.
Speaker 1:They don't respect boundaries.
Speaker 2:They don't have respect for adults. No, and they seek relationship, they want to try to be friends with people, but they have such a mistrust that you're going to hate me, and so let me control you to come into my life Right, let me control you. This is one of the generations.
Speaker 1:Because to them it's like, in order for me to have a relationship with you, I have to be the leader, I have to have you under control. If I cannot have you under control, you're going to leave me. So when I have you under control, I'm going to make you afraid of me, you're going to create that fear in you. So it's like that you constantly have to surrender. It's sad and, believe it or not, we've seen, you know many of them into our society. Yes, and even you know many of them.
Speaker 1:You see them even in jail, I've heard, you know, when people tell you their stories about you know people in jail or kids they have in jail, and you look, you find, to understand what the relationships were with that child prior incarceration, and they'll tell you you know, I was that child alone. The father was never around or the mother died, so I had to raise that child with somebody else. It's always something. And so, for whatever reason, the stepmother, and so, for whatever reason, the stepmother, she was not welcomed by the stepmother. Oh, I had that child while I was married. So I had that child outside of marriage and that child was not welcome into my house. So it's a whole complication.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know and it's called complex trauma and unfortunately so's like. Who's ended up being the victim.
Speaker 2:Yes, who is the victim? The child. And that child is growing up victimized as an adult. One of the things I want to say this is that we want you to stop that victim mentality. That's why we're having this conversation today, Because that person walking around with that victim mentality, that's why we're having this conversation today, because that person walking around with that victim mentality, they're walking around with a weight, always like a weight on them. This is a spiritual oppression. It's not only a mental oppression, but it's also spiritual and in terms of faith. The enemy wants you to stay locked in that mental prison.
Speaker 1:He wants you to stay locked in that mental prison. He wants you to stay in. You know, you have a.
Speaker 2:There's a they call it an orphan spirit like you're, you're a spirit. Nobody wants me, I'm an orphan, and he wants you to stay in that mindset. And then. So here we are dealing with the physical and the spiritual. You know, this is like heavy, and so people are walking around. I've been physically, mentally put down, unwanted, felt unlovable, and then the enemy wants that to stay in your life and our life. So he purposely says you're not worthy. You remember what your mother and father said. You remember how you was treated.
Speaker 1:How can you think you could be better than that In that way, what can I expect from you? It's gonna be madness, you know all the times.
Speaker 2:Yes, but we know we serve a God that can break that madness, that can break that mentality. That's why one of the scriptures say take every negative thought and bring it on to the Dominion. Subdue it under Christ, because there's some things that this is spiritual warfare, spiritual battles. Okay, so on one level there's a spiritual battle going on in our head that we're trying to say am I worthy? And then we have to deal with the real life experience, the psychological battle.
Speaker 1:So this is how we say faith is combined with psychology, mental health, and to those who normally ask themselves that question am I worthy? So what would be your answer to them today?
Speaker 2:Number one one yes, you are worthy. You are worthy. You listen, in Ephesians 2 10, the Bible says that you are God's masterpiece. So it's so, so important. There are some things that you have to be intent when, when we're talking about one of the ways to heal from relational trauma, you have to be intentional to say I have to break this mindset. I cannot be the product of my parent or my caregiver. What they said, who I am. We have to find new ways to you, have to find new ways of identifying who you are. First of all, you are a child of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. You are a child of Christ.
Speaker 1:So so now you want me to be able to say you know what? I don't want to be my father child, or I don't want to be my mother child. You don't have to be.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be. You have the ability. You and I have the ability to recreate an identity that we were made to coexist with people and live in healthy, abundant relationships. That is how the Lord created us, right? That's why this is called trauma, because we were all created to have secure attachments, because we were all created to have secure attachments, but unfortunately, life circumstances, generational cycles of poor attachments, unlearned, be learned behavior that was not appropriate. Lack of knowledge right, we don't know any better. But now you're gaining knowledge to know better. And as you gain knowledge to know better, then you have the power to intentionally say I am worthy, I deserve we have to say it I deserve to have a healthy relationship, I deserve to understand that I am considered a person of self-worth. When you start to put this into your mindset and into your spirit, you automatically your spiritual and your eyes the mindset starts to change and you deserve to be loved and loved you deserve it.
Speaker 2:You deserve it and you have to forgive those who hurt you because you don't want to carry the bitterness that bitterness is not going to unlock the doors.
Speaker 1:That will not take you anywhere. You're going to stay in that mental prison.
Speaker 1:This is one mentality that I always have about forgiveness and sometimes people may think, oh yo, you easy to forgive people. I don't think I'm easy to forgive people. I just love myself, that's right. That's right so, because I know at the end of the day I may choose not to forgive Dr Haynes. But it's two things. Dr Haynes may not even know that you know I have that tightness inside for her. Yes, another thing you may know and you say you know who cares. That's right. That's right. You know you're walking with it, I don't care how to do it.
Speaker 2:And I'm going to continue to hurt you Burning inside. Yeah, I'm going to continue to attack you.
Speaker 1:So, because I love myself that much, so I don't feel the need to keep. My heart is not a cage, that's right. I'm not keeping anybody, you know. So it's like keeping you in a cage inside of me. Yes, no, you know. So forgiveness is like you know. I'll set you free, yes, yes, because at the end of the day, if I don't forgive you whatever that you did to me, I will never be able to grow. I will never be able to grow, I will never be able to experience all enjoy love and new things Walking free.
Speaker 1:I will never be able to embrace the love of other people. Sometimes you have other people trying to embrace you, to love you for who you are, to be dear for you. You have everything blocked, so forgive. Work, yes, you know to be there for you. You have everything blocked, yes, you know, so forgive. The first person that you have to forgive is yourself, yes, you know. Yes, have compassion towards self.
Speaker 2:Forgive yourself.
Speaker 1:Forgive yourself so you can be able to explain that forgiveness to other people. Yes, yes, set yourself free, yes.
Speaker 2:Walk in the freedom. Let it go. It's not an overnight process. It's a process.
Speaker 1:It's a process.
Speaker 2:But you can let it go. I know I had to let it go Because when you carry that bitterness, this is where we can.
Speaker 1:when we talk about the ACEs study, in trauma they say, and after I forgive you, dr Haynes, yes, I the ACEs study in trauma. And after I forgive you, dr Haynes, I don't need to be friends with you. Oh, thank you, you don't need to be coming to my house and I don't need to go, and have breakfast with you.
Speaker 2:That's right. I'm forgiving you to release the pain and the anguish and the bitterness inside of me. Yeah, whether or not you don't even have to receive the forgiveness, whether you receive my, whether or not you don't even have to receive the forgiveness, whether you forgive you receive my forgiveness If you receive it, so it's a good thing.
Speaker 1:If not, but I know I set myself free, right.
Speaker 2:I forgive you and I let it go, because then now I took away your power over me.
Speaker 1:Well said I took away your power because me Well said.
Speaker 2:I took away your power because you were controlling me. You were controlling how I interact with you, how I interact with other people. This is why they say that blueprint is based on our experiences, so that child is relating to everybody based on those experiences. Right, and so this is the power that's controlling them. That's why. That's why sometimes they say in the field of psychology, mental health, that sometimes you know you have skeletons in your closet. Well, you know, I.
Speaker 2:I say, okay, I got skeletons, I gotta go open the door and I'm not ready to deal with that skeleton, I'm not ready to deal with that skeleton, I'm not ready to deal with that bone. This is why I love to talk about faith, because one of the scriptures in Ezekiel, one of the stories in Ezekiel, when God says, ezekiel, son of man, can these dry bones live? And he said I don't know, god, I don't know, can they? He said prophesy to them, these dry bones can live. So when I started to see that, I was like let me go to the skeleton in my closet.
Speaker 2:Words have power, words have power. I went to my skeletons in my closet, I opened the door, I said you're going to live, you're going to come out. I'm not going to live in this mental prison anymore, and so this is what I'm saying about intentional being intentional, and they say one of the important things is to you can't do this by yourself. You have to be with people to deal with this attachment. Healing comes through attachment, but now you're healing and attaching with the right type of people, exactly exactly.
Speaker 1:It's a. It's a. It's a journey that you cannot do alone.
Speaker 2:You cannot do it alone, because you're not meant to do the isolation. That's that isolation. We, we want to break that pattern of relational, that insecure, negative relational pattern. But then now we have to put ourselves out there with our vulnerability and say I've been hurt, I have emotional and relational trauma. I need to learn how to trust, I need to learn how to build with the right type of people, and so you know we'll talk about the types of healing. Well, let me let you Also.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for my questions?
Speaker 2:I'm ready, because we kind of touch base on so many things. We could talk forever.
Speaker 1:I enjoy the conversation, so it's beautiful. I like the way it's going.
Speaker 2:This concludes my presentation on childhood relational trauma. Yes, yes, dr Hippolyte, you know when that person learns a new way. Because, you see, what we're doing here is giving people hope that they can reorganize how they see themselves. So you have to. We're helping you to change your mental picture of yourself, that mental picture that you have of the little girl and boy inside of you. That little girl and boy inside of you needs to be set free. That's why I love when you said I have to forgive myself first, right, so we need to be set free. That little girl and boy needs to be set free. They need to be released, they need to be nurtured and said you didn't do anything wrong, you are precious, you are loved now. But now, as an adult, adult, you've made some decisions based on that childhood experience. So now you have to take responsibility for that part yeah, because my father used to be a violent person.
Speaker 1:My father used to beat my mother all the time and as a child I'm just saying that as an example I never experienced that.
Speaker 2:Yes, because we were talking about the disorganized child who's unlovable in the domestic home.
Speaker 1:It's just an example, not a personal experience. Right right, because my father used to beat my mother, or he used to be very violent, and I witnessed that every day. Yes, you know, when I become an adult, I don't need to put my hands on my partner.
Speaker 2:And that tends to be the tendency sometimes.
Speaker 1:You know? So it's like and I've heard people said it oh, you know what? So, oh, I have to discipline that girl. No, that girl is an adult. So it's a partner that you have in your life, or that man is a partner that you have in your life, I understand he, that person, your partner, may, may do certain things that you don't go along with. You may not be in approval of, but, at the end of the day, always respect that person as an adult.
Speaker 1:So if the relationship can continue, then we find ways to address whatever situation that needs to be addressed and keep on moving. Yes, but if this relationship cannot go, you know any further, just have a conversation and call it a day. Yes, so you don't have the right to put your hand on your partner for whatever reason, just because your father used to do it to your mother, your mother used to do it to your father, your mother, your mother, used to do it to your father. Now, as an adult, so you are capable to make your own decision and so, like I always tell people, whatever decision that you make in life, that decision is yours, and whatever decision that you make in life will come with consequences. Yes, yes, always remember that. Yes, and even seeking help comes with consequences.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, always remember that. Yes, and even seeking help comes with consequences, right, but the consequences are beneficial to us, and so you have the ability now to say that I want to have a different type of relationship. I want to have a healthy, secure attachment. I don't want to live in the insecure attachment style anymore, right? So that is.
Speaker 1:It's so critical that we have the right to make a choice yeah, the first questions I have for you, dr Haynes, is others will a show no trauma shape someone sense of self and identity?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, this is a very wonderful question because it is so pertinent. Well, like I was talking about before how this person's identity is shaped, because during the developmental years, this child again is interpreting the bonding style, is interpreting how my self-worth is based on my relationship with my caregiver, with my parent, right. And so John Bowlby, uh, he called that, um, it's an implicit, implicit, uh, uh, relational knowledge. It's something that's like in in the subconscious, it's in the it's in the it. It's, it's like something that that is absorbed in our subconscious right. And so now we've taken on that, that, that blueprint, that blueprint, that that subconscious knowledge that I am. We talked about. I am who I was told I am. I am who I was based on, how I was treated or how I was seen Right, these people with the insecure.
Speaker 2:They start to develop defenses, like you were saying, defenses where I will control you to keep you with me, or I will. Everything I do is to protect me from being hurt. So even the defenses that I utilize is to keep me from being hurt. So here comes my identity. This is who I am. I become this person that I'm always trying to, and this is insecure attachment. I'm always trying to protect myself. I'm always trying to make sure that I don't get hurt, but I still get hurt and I hurt others.
Speaker 1:Because you know it's like in your head, that's. You know that it's all about your own security. Yes, the intention, you know, while you're trying to protect yourself, you may never had, you know, any attention to hurt other people. Yes, but by doing it, the way that you doing it, the methods that you will be using, yeah, be harmful to other people. So that's why oftentimes, people will see you as being selfish and say you know what? It's always all about you.
Speaker 2:And that's because that person is trying to be about me, because I wasn't about me when I was little. Yes, you see that I wasn't seen as me when I was little. Yes, you see that I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't seen as me when I was little. So now I need to act in ways that it could be about me so I could protect me.
Speaker 1:I need to be safe and secure and to many it doesn't matter, even if they have to be that bully.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter to them, it doesn't matter. As a matter of fact, I will control so that you can't hurt me. Like you said, exactly, I will control so that I can be protected, because if I don't control, then you're going to control me and hurt me, like mommy and daddy did when I was little, yeah, and now, as a grown person, I refuse for that to continue.
Speaker 1:It is unfortunate. So my second question how does relational trauma impact a person's ability to form and maintain healthy attachment?
Speaker 2:The connection to the caregiver. Right, because relational trauma it's an automatic response. So it's not even like the person is thinking, thinking like I'm going to do this this way. It's an automatic. It just it's like automatic response. That just happens. So when the person has a strong sense of self, let's say, let's use the example a strong sense of self, you're not judging that person with the secure attachment, you're not judging others, that person with the secure attachment.
Speaker 2:When relational trauma is impacting somebody, that strong self, sense of self doesn't exist. The memories of the negative style of the negative, the maltreatment, the memories of the maltreatment, has lifelong effects. These individuals, like, for example, the anxious, avoidant child this person is an adult that when they shut off their feelings during a conflict, right Again, I'm being ignored. So this automatic response, I'm being ignored. I'm going to shut down, right here it is. I'm going to shut down, right here it is, when I'm relating to other people.
Speaker 2:Now I feel, because I keep putting all these defenses, now this relational trauma impacts me where I'm lonely. I feel lonely, I feel unsupported. But my defenses, my defenses, are what pushes people away, because I'm so busy trying to protect myself and I'm so busy trying to protect myself and I'm so busy trying to make sure that I get the love, but I do use wrong methods, like you say, then now I'm left lonely, or I'm left compromising in negative relationships, just to have somebody near me like so, because even if I myself I try to be of assistance to you, but because you are so guarded into that condition, you cannot even see or understand that all I'm trying to do is to be of assistance to you.
Speaker 1:You can, and the fact that you are approaching me or addressing me that way, so all you basically do is like pushing me away.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, because it's an automatic response. It's not like the person is conscious about it. That's one of the things in therapy where you have to bring this automatic way of relating to people. You bring that into your consciousness, you let that person understand. You know, based on what you're saying, this is how you're relating to people. Oh, but this is the only way I knew how. Well, let's learn new ways right.
Speaker 2:And so that's why, when we talked about children, you know their brain doesn't fully develop until 26 years old, right? And so that's why, when we talked about children, you know their brain doesn't fully develop until 26 years old, right? So we can teach them new ways, but the adult who's already 26 past they have to learn new ways to relate to people. So this relational trauma, it impacts every area of the person's life, even, and one of the most key areas is your decision-making skills how you make decisions right.
Speaker 1:And that's why you know it's very important. In therapy, we were taught to use more like open-ended questions. Yes, yes, yes, because that's how you're going to have a better understanding where the patient can elaborate more on the situation. Sometimes, the more information you have, the better understanding that you will have of that of that situation. Myself, as a therapist, I always like to dig too into the problem until I reach the wood, because I cannot treat a problem just based on the surface. Yes, if I don't go deep down to the wood of the problem.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, and I'm going to take it a step further where, in the faith, when we use spirituality, you know the soul is also bruised from relational trauma, because we, you know, they say in psychology we're mind, body and soul or spirit. So mind, body, soul, soul and spirit. So this is this, this internal bleeding. Like you said, we internalize the, the trauma, the scars. These are psychological wounds from the inside. It's inside that that person is bleeding in the soul, right.
Speaker 2:And so when we, when we speak from a psychological, about building connections, also from the spiritual, that we learn that God sent his only son to die for us, that's how important we are to him, that's how much we have value, that's how much we have self-worth, right, and so it's like we're saying to ourselves. So it's like we're saying to ourselves I have to change my pattern of how I see myself so I can relate to others. I have to change my pattern. So when you're saying you have to change your pattern, now you are taking power back from, like we just said, said, all of that history. You are taking the power to say it's all, it's going to be a lot of work, it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 2:It's not going to be easy, but but you are be. You are saying I'm worth that type of work. Now, I'm worth it, I'm worth it, I'm worth it.
Speaker 1:And that's what we want you to know today that you are worth it and, like I mentioned earlier, be the author who has the full power to write every single chapter of your life.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're rewriting your narrative Exactly. Yes, that's one of the things in psychology and healing we have to rewrite our story, we have to rewrite our narrative right, and when we talk about our faith, we rewrite the tragedies that we went through too, because the Word of God says that I'm giving you a new mindset, and so here we need giving you a new mindset, and so here we need to to to incorporate a new mindset. And then I'm I'm putting away these old glasses that I had. That I saw myself, and I'm putting a new pair of lens. Now I see myself in a, in a way that I'm not unwanted. I'm not unwanted, I have value. Now I can start to. Let me see how that looks like. Let me see how a secure attachment looks like, you know, so that I can copy and model and incorporate that and internalize that now as my being of how I relate, you know, so we're learning Not only on how you will it, but you will have that open mind and willingness to embrace the love of other people.
Speaker 2:I'm learning how to accept love and I'm learning how to love others Exactly so this is a process that you have to be patient with yourself, but you have to be intentional. One of the books I love and one day, dr Bessel van der Kolk. He talks about how trauma, he says, the body keeps score. The body remembers trauma, oh yes, even if you try to forget it in the mind. Why do people have heart disease sometimes? I went to a webinar, a training, and the man who was giving the training said he was with this world-renowned, like this heart surgeon that's known all over the world, and he said about 75% of his surgeries people have heart issues just because of stress. It's not even real.
Speaker 1:It could have been avoided and I'm glad that you mentioned that. Recently I had an episode with Mr Bonhomme, but he mentioned something on the show which I didn't know before and, according to what he said, he said he read an article where in that article so they mentioned I don't remember the percentage that he gave, but most people who experience heart attack it's like on Sunday morning before they go to work on Monday, due to workplace toxicity place toxicity.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, you see, in workplace harassment it's relational, Because either management is mistreating you or you're getting mistreated from a co-worker.
Speaker 2:Or that can be, you bring your own unresolved issues into the workplace. Yes, yes and all of that. What Dr Vandekol says is that the organs in the body, the systems, the brain system. One of the major research that's coming out now is body-based psychotherapy. Dr Stephen Porges talks about the polyvagal theory, where how the nerve, the vagus nerve, is reacting to trauma and the vagus nerve is almost like it becomes sick and now different parts of our body is sick and you know what that will do the body is a hold.
Speaker 1:I had a. I had a biology sunday show a couple weeks ago. We spoke about alzheimer and one thing that he mentioned. He said you know all the stress, trauma and depression when they're not being addressed appropriately. They're all gonna have an impact in your brain and before you even know it, you know what you're going to end up dealing with Alzheimer's Alzheimer's that used to be an old people's disease from the age 65 to what have you Now? You have people you know who, in the third 40s or 50s, diagnosed with Alzheimer's. So and I think that's where you know I'm gonna stop. So we may not have time for the other two questions, but before we let everybody go. So what is your last thought?
Speaker 2:I wanna say this that healing takes place. Most importantly, that we recommend healing for relational trauma through attachments. We want to build a healthy attachment, secure attachments, if you can join the community, because community is very important for healing in relational trauma. Community is important. You cannot do anything in isolation. So, because trauma lives in the body, one of the things that is important dancing, they say, doing Tai Chi, yoga, because movement Remember, when the baby is in distress, the mom picks up soothing. So we need to bring soothing to the body. We need to calm our bodies because the trauma is keep living in the body and our body is in hyperarousal. So we need to self-regulate and we need to learn to co-regulate together. This is one of the key ways to find healing through trauma. And so, joining a community, dancing together, doing creative arts together, doing karate, tai chi, every these are things that one the one.
Speaker 1:What about using your body? What about listening to music?
Speaker 2:I was gonna. I was gonna say listening to music, singing right, because you know we believe in worship music. Worship music and you dance and you. It releases the toxins in the body, but we need to find healthy, and what type of music too? Definitely.
Speaker 1:So, healing.
Speaker 2:There's healing through community, through attachment, through music, body base movement, creative arts, singing All of this helps to move the body and then, as I'm moving the body, I'm learning how to calm down, deep breathing, mindfulness, and then I'm learning also how to regulate with you.
Speaker 1:So there's more to talk about in the future, my little darling, and the Lord Jesus. He's the key regulator. Yeah, we cannot live without that man in our lives.
Speaker 2:The Bible's the number one book to me.
Speaker 1:I respect for those who say they don't believe. Oh my gosh, I don't know how to do it without him. I respect that, but my life, I would not be anything. All the way with Jesus, all the way with Jesus If that man was not the centerpiece of my life.
Speaker 2:He gives us wisdom.
Speaker 1:We're having this conversation because of his wisdom, my darling, it seems that you and I can talk. I didn't even drink, I was so enjoying talking. They normally said in every good thing there comes to an end. This is the end of our show. It was a pleasure to have Dr Tatiana with us. Of course she's going to come back. I haven't seen you in ages. I didn't feel like we were in the show. I just feel like we're talking to you With your beautiful and baby face. Thank you, you're my beautiful sister.
Speaker 2:It was with you all Dr.
Speaker 1:Beatrice Ippolite with your World.