Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Hello,
I am Dr. Marie Beatrice Hyppolite. I hold a doctorate in Health Science with emphasis on Global Health and master’s degree in social work. I have over 14 years of experience in the field of health and human services.
This podcast is primarily focused on mental health and the quality-of-life elements that affect it such as divorce, death, domestic violence, trauma, toxic relationships, and single parenthood to name a few. It is no secret that mental health challenges continue to profoundly impact modern society although not enough discussion is given due to stigma. Research has shown an increase of 25 % in mental health crises after COVID-19. It is important to have honest, uncomfortable conversations about mental health while being supportive. Although we are interdependent, change begins with the individual, hence “your world.”
I welcome you to join me on my journey and look forward to your responses.
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Embracing Parenthood's Challenges Alone
How do single parents navigate the complexities of raising children alone? Join us as we engage with the inspiring Felipe Flores, a resilient single father who shares his remarkable journey. Felipe opens up about the trials and triumphs he has faced while raising his three children, shedding light on the unique challenges within the African-American community. Through his candid reflections, we explore the deep-rooted historical and systemic factors that contribute to single-parent households and celebrate the strength and spirit that define their families.
In this heartfelt conversation, Felipe reveals the unexpected kindness that illuminated his path, from high school acquaintances who offered free babysitting to the collective support from extended family. We emphasize the importance of these support networks, acknowledging that even small gestures can ease the burdens of single parenthood. Felipe's experiences serve as a testament to the idea that "it takes a village," highlighting the critical role of community and family in providing relief and encouragement.
Felipe's story also uncovers the often-overlooked mental health struggles associated with single parenting. He bravely shares his battles with stress and anxiety, challenging societal stigmas and advocating for healthier coping mechanisms. Throughout the episode, we underscore the importance of presence, patience, and offering support to single parents. Concluding with a call to action, we provide listeners with resources for further assistance, aiming to foster a supportive environment for single parents everywhere.
Hello everyone, I'm Dr Beatrice Ippolit, and this is your World. In today's show, we're going to talk about single parenthood, and we have the privilege to have as our guest Mr Felipe Flores.
Speaker 2:How are you doing today? I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. I was a commute. It was good. It was actually not bad.
Speaker 1:The traffic was smooth, okay. So, since we're going to talk about single parenthood, how are the children doing?
Speaker 2:They're doing great. You got to meet one today. My children are doing great. My two oldest have jobs now, so they're doing really good, thank God.
Speaker 1:Okay. So what is single-parenthood? If we were to give everybody a brief description about what is being a single parent, being a single parent is basically when you have one parent, you know. When you have one parent, you know taking care or having the care of that child without the active involvement of the other biological parent. Basically, that's what being a single parent is. So I'm your wife, you know, something happened and I ended up with the child, so I become a single parent while you're not actively involved. Or it can be vice versa.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But one thing. So it was amazing when I did some research to see that the highest ethnic group being a single parent are black or African-American, with 57% of family headed by single parent. That is a large number by single parent. That is a large number and they say you know like and those parents. So you found that people living you know like single family household you know most likely in the Mid-Hudson, such as Dutchess, orange, puten, rockland, sullivan and Westchester, but we also have a 67 percent of single parent nationwide. So it's really a large number and, according to research, you have 44 percent of black or American children live with single parents and you have 40% of Hispanic or Latino children and you have 32% of white children. It's a serious problem.
Speaker 1:So, oftentimes people don't get to talk about it because we just go along with our lives, not even thinking about. Oh you know what? I never really thought that. You know, single pirate world was really an issue. But they also have some historical and systemic factors that contribute to that, they say. According to research, the legacy of slavery, the deliberate dismantling of black families during slavery, really had a great impact on family structures. High incarceration rate men of color are disproportionately incarcerated, leading a fewer potential partner for black women. Economic factor also play a major role. Military deployment, you know. So you have a lot of veterans, a lot of people in the army or whatever you know, like army, Navy. What are their branches?
Speaker 1:Navy, the Marines, you know when they are being deployed, one those men are being deployed, or those women are being deployed, so the kids will be left with you know whom. Have a parent is available. You have domestic violence. Domestic violence play a major role into people you know being a single parent. So let's say, for example, you and I we are a couple, so either we married or not married. So hey, say, for example, you and I we are a couple, so either we're married or not married. So hey, thanks God to get you know to a point where we fight every day, which is not good, you know, for the kids to witness. So it's like, before we even know it, we're going to drift apart. So those are really great contributors into somebody to becoming becoming a single parent. So now, before I even consider any other aspect of this, so let's just go straight to the questions, because it's like you know, I understand. So we have a little bit of historical aspect, you know, or the reason why people become single parents, but you lived it.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. And you know even with your statistics, which are really alarming, right, because that's big numbers of single parents out there. But even in my personal life, I'm just growing up with my friends and my neighbors, and when I tell you, just growing up with my friends and my neighbors, and when I tell you at least 90% of my female friends were single, mothers, you know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, according to research, 84% of single parents are women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I'll tell you right now which we'll get into in a second a lot of my success, which, which you know as a single dad, came from learning from those single mothers that I had as friends. You know, I give them a lot of credit for what I seen them do, for the way that they guided me. Um, I was a scared man when I first became a single dad.
Speaker 1:Um, how did you become a single? Well, you know. Like you become a single?
Speaker 2:Well you know like you said, things happen in relationships. We broke up right and now we moved on. I was getting to see my children, like every other dad, usually every weekend, every other weekend and things like that and for one reason or another, it was my youngest, which is my son.
Speaker 1:How many do you have?
Speaker 2:I have three I have a 23-year-old, I have a 17-year-old. She's about to be 18. And I have a 15-year-old who's about to be 16, literally in the next few days.
Speaker 1:Okay, so any of them in college or completed college?
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely so. My oldest, my 23-year-old, did complete college. She Absolutely so. My oldest, my 23 year old, did complete college. She graduated with a bachelor's in arts. She loves that field, so she's looking forward to working in it. I have my middle daughter. She is currently in college for education. She wants to be a teacher, yeah. And then I have my son, who is the baby. He is currently a junior in high school.
Speaker 1:OK, congratulations. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. You must be proud.
Speaker 2:I say it again you must be proud. Oh, I'm very proud. You know I'm tough on them, but I'm very proud of them at the same time. They're definitely doing their thing when it comes to their education.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, that's very important. That's what we call tough love. You know we love our kids, we want a better life for them, but at the same talking. So we know, you know, we know when we have to be lenient and when to be tough, and it's very important because if we don't get that balance, it won't be good so that's very important. If you were to share your experience, you know as being a single father, how would you describe that?
Speaker 2:well, let's start from when I became a single dad. Right, I was a bachelor, I was working a job, I had my own apartment, you know and this is me being single. After my children were born, I had my own place. And about a year and a half of having my own place, I get a call from my son's mother who, for one reason or another, she needed the assistance of me taking him right. So I took custody of him and immediately, the first day, I have this one and a half year old little boy in my house and I'm like party's over, right? Uh, it's time to do what I'm here to do, right? And um, yeah, I went from being a bachelor, single, free life, and to, all of a sudden, I have this little boy I have to take care of seven days a week.
Speaker 1:You realize that, hey, you know what it was your responsibility to bring that little boy into the world, and now it's time to take care of that little boy Absolutely and there was never any question right.
Speaker 2:There was never any question of whether I was like, oh, I can't, because I'm doing this, I don't know what I'm going to do, I can't. And I'm going to tell you what happened. One day, right, literally the day I got him, a lot of my friends, my female friends, who were single moms, came by and they were, they wanted to see him and they were like, oh wow. So they were in my house going, well, you need to rearrange your apartment this way. He's a little boy, he's going to bump into things. And I'm already looking at them like, oh, you guys giving me pointers, this is great. So I was taking all their advice.
Speaker 2:And in that moment I sat there and I said to myself, man, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like I was scared. You know, I'd never been a single dad before. I was scared. And one of my friends literally looked at me and says, hey, we've been doing this forever, you know. And it dawned on me. Like I looked at my friends, I'm like you know what? You're right. As far as, as long as I've known you guys, you guys have been single mothers.
Speaker 2:And when I tell you, they looked at me and told me you will figure it out and you got this they gave me that fire to literally start looking at my current situation a little bit different, not scared, more, like I need a plan. You know, ironically, I didn't know what I was going to do. I had to go to work the next day and I'm like I don't have a sitter. So I'm sitting at the stoop in front of my house with my son and he's playing when all of a sudden I don't know it was God sent right, my neighbor happens to. She moved in. But when she came outside I looked at her and I'm like I think I know you and she goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we used to go to high school together and I was like wait, you're right, you're right, she was about to. She was already a single mother giving birth to another baby still a single mom, right. And she looked at me and she was like yo, I know that you're looking for a sitter. Um, if you need the help, um, I'll babysit while you go to work. And it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Speaker 1:That was when it got sent. Who are you telling?
Speaker 2:I, when I tell you that again who came to the rescue? A single mom, mom, a single mom. And she didn't charge me right away, you know, because she was just like I know you need to help, like you look like you need some help, and I was like I do, I do, and she would. She would watch my son. I would drop him off 6 am. I would then get home around 6 pm from work and I would pick him up. Luckily, she was literally my next door neighbor, which means I did not have to travel to another part of town to pick up my child and then bring them home. I could literally just go home and grab him from next door.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's very important, you know, to have a great support system because it's like, as long that people may think that it's light or that's your child, you know you're taking care of your child. I don't need to be there for you or what have you. Just, you know, taking a child from somebody you know for one hour, for one or two hours, can make a lot of a difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely you know, and and before I even continue with, uh, the series of questions that I have, I remember myself. I don't have children, but I had the experience of being a single parent for three months. Yeah, that was the time when my brother, you know so, got separated or divorced, whatever the situation was with his wife or the woman that he was living with. So, and when the day my brother called me in telling me that he was left with the child, and I said I knew because your wife already called me and informed me. So the man was really panicking. So, like you just mentioned, you never had the experience of being a single parent, and so he never had that experience. So, and bear in mind, he's in Haiti and I'm in here. So, and I'm like so how could I have been of assistance to this man? Because I could tell the man was going crazy. So, and that's when I realized and understand the importance of a great support system. As much as I wanted to help my brother, I could not do it alone. So there was a daycare right across from my basement apartment at that time and I said, okay, they open at six. If I get the girl for him for three months, I can place that girl over there. Because at that time I used to work two jobs and be a full-time student and leave my house every day at six and come back at 12 at night. So that was quite a challenge. But I said, let me go and ask my stepmother and his brother how they could be of assistance to that. And, without even questioning it, my stepmother was in it, her brother was in it, my sister was in. It was in it, her brother was in it, my sister was in it. Then that's when, you know, I had the kind of the green light to go and tell my brother you know what? Send the girl. I'm going to have the girl for three months and during that period of time you will figure out what to do because eventually I have to send the girl back for school. To make a long story short, those three months I struggled, even with the assistance of my stepmother, her brother, my sisters. So it was still a challenge.
Speaker 1:When I took on the responsibility of taking care of that child, I completely forgot that I had a weekend job. You know that I had to. You know there was no babysitter available. The daycare does not open, you know, on weekends. Now I had to go and have a conversation with my manager and she allowed me to come to work with that girl for two days. So it was like quite a challenge and I'm like, okay, so I only dealt with that for three months and I was up here. What about those who have dealt with it for, you know, for 20 years, for 18 years, for what have you? So it's, it's a challenge and I really, you know, I really take my hat off, you know, like for all of the single parents out there, whether you're a father, a mother or not, a sister or what have you. So it's like it's, it's, it's something yeah, it definitely is.
Speaker 2:I mean your brother's very lucky. He had you right in the position to be able to assist. So you know, we get lucky sometimes and I got to say that I definitely did get lucky, considering that my neighbor happened to be an old friend, considering she was willing to watch my son, and that happened for about two to three years. I was going to work picking him up he wasn't in school yet he didn't start school until he was four. Going to work picking him up he wasn't in school yet he didn't start school till he was four. So for the first two years it was just picking him up, going to work, dropping him off, going to work, picking him up and, you know, coming home. And then I started realizing I can't afford to pay my rent, take care of this little boy and take care of myself. So I needed to go back to school in order to try to get another job.
Speaker 1:Those are the challenges you know that you were facing.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I felt it. I felt it because, you know, for one reason or another, I didn't get child support for my children right. It was all the weight was on me and again, I didn't question it, I wasn't bothered by it, it's just something I had to figure out. Again, watching my friends who were single mothers was the fuel behind me and let me tell you my friends would not, let me forget it, to say that you got this Right. So I always appreciated them that for that. So what happened?
Speaker 1:So you always got that booster.
Speaker 2:Oh, till this day I still have that.
Speaker 1:Especially the way you know. So you were not on the road alone, because they were single parents themselves as well, Absolutely. So it's like whatever that, hey, if I can do it, you can do it too.
Speaker 1:Absolutely and so we need people like that in our lives, but not people to kind of tear us down or people to say you know what, hey, you know what. Oh, you will never be able to do it. So's a challenge. It's rough. I like when people challenge me because, at the end of the day, life was not easy yesterday, it's not easy today and it will never be easy. But if you put the effort and go alone with the sacrifices that you have to go along with, hey, trust me, you will see. You know the light at the end of the, you know at the end of the day. And so that's what you've been seeing. Now you already have one graduated from college, one is in college and the other one, you know, in under the two years going to be in college. It's the result of your hard work.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, it's a long journey that I'm actually enjoying right now, watching what they're doing and just seeing their little personalities, how they've taken form and seeing how responsible you know, just to see my daughter, um, get up every morning, go to college and come home, do her work and then see her this morning alone, just getting up, getting ready to go to work, and I'm like morning alone just getting up getting ready to go to work, and I'm like you know you're doing it like and I don't have to be behind you, and it's like I don't want to pat myself on the back but at the same time I mean, I guess seeing my routine, you kind of watch her becoming like you know, on the verge of becoming a woman?
Speaker 2:Yes, and it's a great journey, like I even today just watching her get ready for work. It was just one of those things like, oh, the years have passed. You know, like I said, I became a single dad. I got my son first and it was just such a shock to me as a single dad, you know, and watching him grow up. That was literally 14 years ago and I don't know where those 14 years went, because it seems like just yesterday.
Speaker 1:And what was the biggest challenges?
Speaker 2:Oh man, our biggest challenges were always some form of child care, right, even though I had my neighbor who was babysitting for me. I now had to start college because I wanted to get a better job, so I enrolled in school evening school which means now I'm dropping him off at 6 am but I'm not getting home till 10 pm. So literally she was a real close friend of mine. I would get home and she would already have him fed in his pajamas we live. She lived next door, so all I would do is pick him up and go right next door to my house, so it wasn't like I was traveling with them. So that helped a lot.
Speaker 2:Again, I can't stress how much credit I want to give to my single mothers, my friends, who looked out for me and really nurtured what's happening now. But that happened for two years where I was going to college and we did that 6 am to 10 pm, 6 am to pm for two years, graduated with my bachelor's degree, which allowed me to apply for better jobs, which allowed me to get in a better financial situation, you know, and even then being a single dad, once he started school my son started school at four. Now comes a whole series of I have to meet with teachers. I have to take time off of work just to go to the schools, meet with teachers, meet with the counselors, meet with everybody in order to make sure that he's good at the school.
Speaker 1:It comes with different expectations.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely Absolutely. And you know kindergarten cakewalk right, because it's kindergarten. But as you start going into the number of grades, they start learning different and you start have to start paying more focus on certain things, on their own challenges. So you have my son, who he might have been a great reader but was struggling in math. So now I have to take out time for tutoring, I have to take out time for homework, I have to take out time to make dinner, I have to take time to go to the schools, and it gets overwhelming, you know, but somehow, some way, I managed you know, and sometimes I don't know how I did it.
Speaker 1:And yes, you did.
Speaker 2:It's, it's, it's. It was a great experience, you know. And then, right around when my son was about I want to say he was about seven, eight years old I got custody of my other daughter, my middle daughter, when she was 10, my daughter's mother called me and was like listen, I need you to take her. And she was going through some stuff in her life and Ken my child, no questions, bring her on over. But now I have a 10 year old little girl. Now, raising a little boy is its own challenge, right, but now I have a 10 year old girl and I. Raising a little boy is its own challenge, right. But now I have a 10 year old girl and I have no idea what I'm doing. So I jump on the phone and I call my team, right?
Speaker 1:because to you it was like more challenging. Yes, because you know raising a girl, so now you know you have like you know you probably didn't know how to comb hair, so now you know.
Speaker 2:So it's like it's cold hair her braids used to be, you know, I would try and at times she would just wear it just because I tried. So she was like, yeah, it'll, it'll do for today, dad, you know, and I would look at like I'm sorry, like I don't know how to braid hair that was.
Speaker 1:That was pretty sweet of her yeah, no, she's will have went ballistic.
Speaker 2:No, no, yeah, but you know what she also knew in the situation we were in. You know, there was times where, you know, I had to remind myself and remind my children like you guys have never lived with me, right, but I've also never really lived with you, you know, and I've never been a single dad. You guys have never been kids that live with just the dad, you know. So it was like it was a first for all of us. So we're all kind of learning in this process of me raising you guys and you guys opening up to me and allowing me to guide you through that, right. But as you know, they become from from adolescents to teenagers and things like that. Their personalities change. Luckily, I never had a problem with them being ungrateful. I never had a problem with them being troubled kids, like wanting to run the streets and things like that. One thing I did definitely decide when I became a single dad was I'm going to be present every day.
Speaker 2:Every day, every single day. I wasn't gonna be one of those dads that goes out and parties on the weekends and even though you know you can because I don't judge nobody for doing what they do but I wasn't gonna be that.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that you tap on that because I've seen you, I watch you. There is nothing in this entire world that is more precious, more valuable for you than your children, absolutely, and I always admired that, even when the idea to come up with this topic and you were the first person who came to mind, because I said, I've known so many great fathers, but you, you're special well, I appreciate it, I appreciate it and not only I've seen you.
Speaker 1:You know doing your job. You go to work and you work, you know, with a very difficult population we're not gonna talk about that right, but you know to work with the population that I know that you work with. And still you know like create time to spend quality time with your family. You always have. You know I have to take my daughter to the park, I have to take my son to this place. We have to do that, you know. So you love, you enjoy being around those kids.
Speaker 2:Oh, 100 percent, you know, and I made it into almost a part of me, it's a part of what I do. You know, a lot of people have hobbies, right, like they probably drive cars, they probably ride motorcycles, they probably play baseball, they probably do something right? My hobby literally became what am I doing with them? Right? And you know, I had a pretty rough childhood growing up too. You know, I was raised by a single dad. I was raised by my father, you know.
Speaker 2:Um, ironically, it's always the joke amongst us like, wow, your dad raised you and now you're a dad raising yours and that man's probably the best thing in my life. You know, my dad's my best friend. Yeah, I was a ruthless little teenager and things like that. But one thing once I hit my 20s, I realized man, he's never left me. He never left my side. He was always present. If I didn't have it, my dad didn't have it times 10. You know so it was one of those things where I definitely had a good role model, things where I definitely had a good role model. But he also, like me, also needed assistance. So my grandmother stepped in and helped out a lot when it came to me and watched me grow up and took me to school and things like that. But my dad really taught me a lot of what it's like to be present. We didn't have much, but he was there.
Speaker 1:And sometimes that's the most important thing. You know, like when you deal, you present the quality time that you spend with the people that you love. You know that's the most important thing, Because at the end of the day, I may have a million dollars to offer you. Okay, so it's money, you know, in a matter of a second or a minute. It depends on your lifestyle. That money can be run out very quick.
Speaker 1:But the quality of time, spending with people, spending with your loved ones. It's priceless To go back to something that you mentioned earlier. So it's priceless to go back to something that you mentioned earlier. So you understand that you know people can party, but parties, you know, or going out was not your priority because you had that little ones that were your priorities and I respect that.
Speaker 1:Years ago I was at that beauty salon and that 22-year-old girl who apparently had two kids and wanted to party every weekend and expect for her mom to be the babysitter. So she made it her mom's responsibility to take care of her own children. So I didn't know them, but because they were having the conversation in my presence at the beauty salon, so I deliberately get involved, you know, and trying to explain to the girl your mom wears you. You know she could have said you know what I've wears you. You know, now my job is over, but you put two little ones into her life and she she wants to embrace them, accept them and be there for them. But at the end of the day, you are those kids mother, not her.
Speaker 1:So I understand, from time to time you're gonna need a break. We all do, and God knows how many times I babysit my friends' kids just for them to have a break, because it's important. Sometimes people need a mental health day. Yeah, 100%. Sometimes you know people want to go to a party. I'm going to get that child for you for the night. Just drop the child, you know, go party, but the next day don't wait until I call you to pick up your, to pick up your.
Speaker 1:Make sure by 11 or 12, you know you're already at my door to pick up your precious little one, but don't take it for granted or don't abuse it. So I understand the support is supposed to be, and you know, but don't take it for granted or don't abuse it, right, you know? So I understand the support supposed to be there for you. It's a beautiful thing when you have family, friends and neighbors, everyone, everyone or anyone who could step in to assist you in that journey. It's a beautiful thing, but know that at the end of the day, that's your sole priority.
Speaker 2:And which is something that you see a lot now, right, even I'm not saying even some of my friends you would see a lot how the grandparents were really the primary caretakers, right, and the moms were there, even though they were still around, but they were still living a different life. They were still living like if they were still single and they didn't have children, like they would make their own plans. They're going out on the weekends and things like that, and you know, grandmothers never say no, so they're like, yeah, leave them here, you can go.
Speaker 1:But as a grandpa, as a grandmother, even if I were to say no, that would not be a problem, because I'm entitled to say no If I see that you know, hey, you're just taking advantage, because there is a difference when you are in need and when you are taking advantage. If I've noticed that, hey, you're only taking advantage. I have plenty of why to know, to step up and say you know what? Be the mother that you need to be, Be the father that you need to be Right.
Speaker 2:No, you're right. You know, ironically, right around the time I got custody of my 10 year old, which is my daughter, my dad was in an accident at work and he needed to move in with me. Dad was in an accident at work and he needed to move in with me. So when he moved in, it was one of those things where, um, immediately he was like hey, I'm here now, you can leave the kids with me, I'll make sure they go to school, they get ready and these things, while you go to work, and all these things. So you know it was one. It became an extra help, right?
Speaker 2:so now now I have almost what I want to say about practically a living nanny, right, because my dad phenomenal with the kids. My dad took my son under his wing and I pretty much probably didn't have a son for about a month because they were just everywhere together, you know, um, he was making sure they ate and all these things. But my dad really, really showed me what it's like to be a unit, you know, because even when he moved in, he immediately was like I'm back in the house Now, this is our family, so we're taking care of this, you know, and to this day my dad still lives with me, you know.
Speaker 1:And what is his relationship with the kids?
Speaker 2:They love him. They love him. You know he's a great guy. He always makes sure that they're good. He always makes sure that they have money which I always tell him not to give them, you know. But yeah, you know his relationship with them is great.
Speaker 1:You know, grandparents love to spoil their kids.
Speaker 2:And he's one of them.
Speaker 1:You know, and I know one of those, Like my stepmother, oh forget about it.
Speaker 2:You know know, it's hard to see christmases when he would buy them these uh thousand dollar tablets. And I'm like, wait a minute, I ain't got no thousand dollar tablet when I was 16. What's going on here?
Speaker 1:you know, there was a tablet around when you were 16 maybe something around that right.
Speaker 2:Probably not, probably not. We're not going to get into my age, but probably not. You're probably right out there, but I see what he does for them, and there was plenty of times that I look at them and I'm like yo, you see, your grandfather, you see how, like my dad's old school, my dad's a real old school person.
Speaker 1:But even with the way that we were being disciplined, it's two different things.
Speaker 1:Oh, definitely two different things, because I'm going to use it's two it's two different things. Because I'm you know, I'm gonna use my stepmother as an example and, uh was, I know that you know you're washing now. So it's like, hey, you know, don't take it hard on me when you, when you get to see me. So it's like I know how hard she used to be on my siblings and now washing my siblings with kids and how lenient she is with those grandchildren. And I'm like this is not the same lady that I knew who was my sister. My sister, you know, will come home. My sister was a great student, great, great student, a average, and one time I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1:The girl came with a B grade. Oh, that girl got beat up. And now so it's like you know. And so my stepmother was like and we're grateful because it's like you know I often said if we were not disciplined the way that we did, so only God knows what our life will have unfolded to you know. But to see her now, so it's like it's whatever with the grandchildren and I'm like, so what it is with you grandparents, it's because they're not yours.
Speaker 2:You know, and that's the thing, right. So I'm tough on my kids. I really am. When it comes to schoolwork especially that's really where I'm at I can let even not even cleaning your room type of thing slide. We'll clean it together at some point, right. But when it comes to school, I don't even negotiate. You know I'm not here to negotiate with you regarding your education, right? So I'm very tough on them with that aspect. Only because I didn't start, I had, for one reason or another, I dropped out of school.
Speaker 1:You sound like Asian now.
Speaker 2:Do I.
Speaker 1:Asian people don't play education.
Speaker 2:It's like you know, hey, they don't play with that Because I know the struggle that I went through without it right, I didn't get my GED or anything like that until I was in my mid-20s, you know, and I had to settle for jobs that were paying me minimum wage or working off the books, because I couldn't get a job without my high school diploma. And I always said to them I don't want you trying to figure it out at 25 or 30 years old, I want you to figure it now, when you're 15, 16, 17. By the time you reach the age where I figured it out, you should already surpass where.
Speaker 1:I'm at.
Speaker 2:You should be settled, and that's where I've never diverted from that, I've never moved from that, which is why you can go to any one of my kids' schools, you can go to any one of my kids' schools, you can go to any one of their colleges and they'll be like oh, mr Flores, oh yeah, he lives here Because I was always present. I make sure the teachers, the board of education, the colleges, they know who I am.
Speaker 1:Even at work, I've seen you. They call for your kids and you're like I'm out. Yeah, I seen you. I watch you move, you know, in a very, very engaging yeah. You know, father.
Speaker 2:So because you always did so, you don't play and since I'm already like that, I don't see it right, I don't see it for myself, but when people like you tell it to me, it's like, oh, wow, people are watching and they take notice, and you were always really good at, uh, really observing at what I was doing, and we used to sit down and talk about my children, oh, all the time always spoke very highly about those kids and sometimes, you know, if I were somebody who probably were into having kids, this man will probably got me into the point to have probably a dozen by now.
Speaker 2:Right, children are great. Listen, I got them since they were young, so there was a lot of things that I got to do with them that I didn't do as a kid. My dad was a hardworking man so you know he didn't have really the time to teach me how to ride a bike or take me to the park whenever I wanted to go and things like that. Yeah, we did those things, but it was spots in life, you know, because we had to choose them, because he was a working man.
Speaker 1:Priorities were not the same. No and time was not the same and opportunities were not the same.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. My dad, being an immigrant himself, found it tough to find jobs.
Speaker 1:Immigrant from where?
Speaker 2:Honduras.
Speaker 1:Honduras Okay.
Speaker 2:So he found it times hard to find jobs and things like that. So when he would get a job, my father would give it 1,000%. He always made sure I was good, but I worked a lot. So one of the things that I decided to as as being a single dad was I'm not going to be that person.
Speaker 2:I'm going to get a job that allows me a sense of freedom that allows me to take time off, that if I needed to take time for my kids, I can literally send an email to my supervisor I'm currently going through this, or I'm currently doing this, or I currently need this time off, and it wasn't going to be red barriers or red tape around it currently need this time off and it wasn't going to be red barriers or red tape around it where I couldn't take the time off. Now, if you know a lot of people who work these jobs especially, imagine my dad as an immigrant dad and now he has this job and now to go tell his boss I need to leave because I need to go to my son's school. Back then jobs would be like yo, you have a responsibility to your job. So my dad instilled that in me.
Speaker 1:Or you can leave, but you won't be able to come back.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. That's not what I wanted. So I definitely decided to get higher education in order to get the better job, in order to allow myself some freedom to be there for my children.
Speaker 1:You never can go wrong with education. No, and this is why I'm so tough when it comes to education sometimes you know I've been around people or hearing people try to kind of diminish it.
Speaker 2:But no, and it does, and you hear it a lot.
Speaker 2:Right, because I've heard it from my own children. They're like listen, I'm never gonna need this, I'm never gonna need that, I'm never gonna need this. But you're gonna realize soon how much you actually need. You know, um, it's a tough process. I remember going to realize soon how much you actually need. You know it's a tough process. I remember going to school wasn't easy, you know, but I decided to be there for them, in a sense. Where anywhere I can lessen your anxieties, I'm going to try to do that Of course it's not going to be.
Speaker 1:It was not going to be easy because you already had two kids that you were taking care of. You know, and I remember you know myself, you know when I used to go to school I didn't have any children but because I always worked, like you know, two, three jobs, you know, when I came here, so you know, being an immigrant, you know life was not easy work, you know, like, my first job, I think, pays me like paid me like three dollars and 75 cents an hour, so and I had a lot of responsibilities, right so, and I was going to school full time. Because when I came, so it's like I was already 30 years old when I came to this country. So it was like you know, my priority was not party, was not having a man or a husband or kids, my priority was like getting a solid career. And because, you know, I gave myself an ultimatum and I said, after 10 years in this country, if I'm still doing the same thing I was doing when I first came here, then I'll go back home. You know I wanted to be, after 10 years, to be a valuable asset to the country, right?
Speaker 1:So, and I've seen, you know the struggle that I went through, working two, three jobs and being a full time student. I've seen the struggle. Sometimes my stress level only God knows will go from zero to a number that I could not even read. So and to see, like you know, my classmates, you know, with two kids, five kids, six kids plus a husband or a partner in the house, and I'm like, I remember, you know, one day I went to that girl and I said how do you do it? Five kids and me? I don't have any kids and I've seen that I'm up to here, you know. So it's a challenge and that's why I give a lot of credit. When I said I give a lot of credit to all the single parents out there, you know. So it's like I mean it yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:No, it's definitely a challenge when it comes to balancing life, you know, because at the same time, I'm also grateful that I had the mental capacity to be able to take on that challenge you know that was that was gonna be my next question how you balance.
Speaker 1:You know your stress level in that situation.
Speaker 2:You know, what I've done is really I utilize what I have in front of me, right, let's say, per se, like when I go to work, I used to have someone like you and we would sit and we would talk and you would give me great advice and we would kind of go back and forth on what's going on, and I utilize things like that. So I was able to utilize my resources as far as my friends, my coworkers, in order to use them as a form of outlet into letting them know what my stresses were, get the advice that I needed and, at the same time, just let it go. Let it go, because if you hold on to it, you become resentful.
Speaker 1:That was a coping mechanism for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, 100%. The people around me. I've been blessed. I've been blessed to have people around me that were able to guide me and also just sit and listen.
Speaker 1:And I think one of the things that kind of like really help you out, and I think one of the things that kind of like really help you out, it's you were never afraid to share. You know your experiences. You were never afraid to ask for help when you need it and you were never afraid to say when you don't know it or you don't have it, to say you know what? I don't know it, I don't have it, and that's how we get to learn, that's how we get to learn, that's how we get to grow and that's how we get to have. You know, we get to get our problem solved and I'm pretty sure that you know so without you having that personality. So that probably would have been a struggle for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was never scared to communicate only because I had to. Right If I would have held it all in. This is how people burn out. This is how people end up in positions in their lives where they're just so stressed that they don't know how to move anymore and they kind of just give up. And giving up was never an option for me. So if me vocalizing where I needed my help or what I was going through allowed me to get that peace, I was going to do that and I appreciate it every time you sat and spoke with me. I appreciate it any time my other co-workers sat with me, my friends who would just show up and be like Yo, you look stressed today, you want to talk and then just sitting on my stoop and having that conversation. I'm just so blessed to have had that, because not many people have that.
Speaker 2:A lot of people don't have the capacity to even be able to share with others, so they hold it in and next thing you know you see them imploding and next thing you know they're they fall in. This all trickles down because eventually your stress goes on to your children. Then your children start stressing other things in which they are now. If your kids are like you. They're also not vocalizing and opening up, so they're also internalizing everything. So my kids, literally, we go places and they're like yo, your kids are so social, like your son's over there talking to those groups and your daughter's over there talking to this group, and then they bring these two groups together and I'm like, yeah, that's me. You know, we we're vocal people, we are, we love to share and we do it just in order to kind of gauge, you know where our inner self is at, because if we don't let it out, we're becoming something that we're not exactly.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you, mr Flores, you know, I know like you have a 22, a 17 going to be 18 soon and a 15 going to be 16 soon what are the challenges of that age bracket now?
Speaker 2:Well, that one brought its own challenges right. When they were younger it was easier because you're kind of like get dressed, go to school, get dressed. But as they developed their own personalities right and they became their own people, I had to adapt to that because it was no longer just about me. I got to also nurture who you're becoming right. So we have my daughter starts 14, 15. Here come the boys right and it's like oh man, how do I approach this? So here I am again. I'm reaching out to people I know who went through these things already and they're like man, there is no book, there is no instructional manual to this. It's based all on how you can perceive it and how you can guide your children. Luckily, I'm blessed again, right that my daughter yeah, she had her boyfriends here and there, but it wasn't like I'm moving out. This is it and this is forever right. My son too. My son came with his own challenges as a teenager. He hits puberty, he starts thinking he's a man.
Speaker 1:But you know, before we even address your son, our situation for your daughter is, like you always that that choice, you know, you always make her believe that you trust her yeah, 100, and she could have trust you back. Right, you know, I think that's one thing that was that that played a major role into your relationship with her. And so it's like, because every kid is different, you know you're gonna have one who challenge you to the core, you know. But you know so that choice, you know, choice between kids and parents, it's very vital, it's crucial and every parent's our, whether it's a couple or a single parent. You have to build that choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely you know, with your kids. Absolutely Now let's go back to your son.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no. So he I mean as boy and girl. They have separate challenges, right, as my son went into his teen years and he was growing up, he has puberty hormones are all over the place, you know. They start believing they're grown. So it's at this point I got to start kind of like OK, you're growing up, you're not grown, you're growing up.
Speaker 1:No difference.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you know, and again, I never had children who wanted to run the streets, so I'm blessed with him there. He enjoys being with me, spending time with me. So let's just put it this way Last year well, this year, early this year, he decided he wanted to start skateboarding. Now this is something I did as a teenager and love doing. And I said he goes, dad, let's take out the skateboard we have and let's go. And in my head I'm like boy, I'm old, I can't go skateboarding with you. But then I said to myself if I don't go skateboarding with him, he's gonna find somebody to go skateboarding with, and I don't know who that person is gonna be. So what happens? Here I am on Saturday on my skateboard, going to the park with him, and it became one of the.
Speaker 1:I think this year me and him bonded the most right and I think that being skateboarding benefits you more than I benefit him because you look so good.
Speaker 2:I've been trying to.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to mention anything about the belly, but since you touch it, so you know.
Speaker 2:And that's an extra perk right, that's an extra perk, that came from that. But what it did allow us to do was spend a lot more time together, get into a hobby that we both like. That's really good quality time, man. If I wasn't here today, that's where we'd be at the skate park skateboarding. We have plans of doing it tomorrow. We're trying to get as many days in before the winter comes. But you know it's just spending time with him has really allowed me Now.
Speaker 1:He's the one that you get to spend more time with.
Speaker 2:I don't need friends, I have friends, I love my friends, but he's it, you know, as long as he likes spending time with me, that's all that matters. Oh, okay, you know, and he wakes me up early on a Saturday like, hey, dad, you ready? And I'm like let's go, you know, and it's all based. Again, I'll take it back to my dad.
Speaker 1:My dad didn't have much, but he was always present and that's one thing I decided to lock into permanently in my life is that I'm going to be present for you guys, and you see the circle yeah, Because he was there for you, he was always present for you and you knew whatever that he instilled in you, you know, you kind of like. You know were like very beneficial to you Absolutely. And you say you know what I?
Speaker 2:that was my role model and I'm going to make sure that I implement all of them into my kids and be present, be the father that my father was for me, Absolutely, that's very impressive and you know my grandmother she was a great woman helped raise all of us me, my uncles, my dad but she has said something one time and she has says um, be the person you would want your kids to be. This is I was a teenager at that time, I wasn't even even thinking about being a dad, but she would say these things to me and my uncles all the time be the person you want your children to be one day, because they're gonna see and they're gonna learn from that. Right, so I've all. If there's anybody who's seen my struggle the longest would be my son, cause I've had him living with me the longest. He's been with me. For I want to say Cole and I'm 14 years now and I've only had my daughter with me for seven.
Speaker 2:Um, but one thing that he can, he can see is that I went to school. You know cause he was there for that. I was dropping him off to the sitters while I went to school. He's seen that I showed up to his school. He sees that I advocated for him. He sees that I was there to support him and I think, if I'm not mistaken, I probably did tell him not too long ago. One day you're going to have children. Be the person you want them to be, because they're going to see that. And you know, every time I sit down and I talk to all my children and I see where they're at mentally, where they're at with their plans in life.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I sit back and I'm like, wow, like you guys have your own little life going on you know what I was trying not to mention that on the show, but the way that he's looking at you With such a passion, that on the show, but the way that he's looking at you with such a passion, so, and I'm like you can tell that he's a proud son. That's my guy, you know, and looks so lovely and sweet. But you know what, after, after the show, if you want to leave him here, I'll take you take I always wanted to have a son.
Speaker 1:No, I need to go skateboarding I forgot that part, so now you can get your child back. So my next question what is the most significant lesson that you have learned as being a single father?
Speaker 2:So you hear it a lot. You hear it a lot how they say being there is half the battle. And when I tell you that is a fact is being present. If I can tell any single father, if I can tell any single mother, I would tell them you don't need to have anything, you just need to be there. They appreciate your time, they appreciate the lessons you want to teach them. If you're there, if I'm telling you don't do this, don't do that, I don't want you in the streets, but I'm out, hanging out with my friends every weekend and drinking and showing them something different Partying.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know the way that kids interpret things is visually. You know you can listen. I was a kid that my grandparents and my dad used to tell me all the time you need to do this, you need to do that, you need to do this. But if I didn't see it, I probably wasn't going to listen to it. So my dad made it a point that he would be at my schools. He would be there, he would do these things for me in order to show me, like I'm not just telling it to you, I'm here, you know, you could see it.
Speaker 2:So, even career wise, like working, I've always been a worker. I never had the greatest jobs, but my dad worked a lot and it wasn't always the greatest jobs, but he was there every day doing the job because he knew he had a responsibility. So even though I didn't have great jobs, I was always at work. Responsibility. So, even though I didn't have great jobs, I was always at work, I was always showing up, I was always doing what I had to do. Um, again, because I saw that. So as many times he could have told me yo, you got to go to work. If I didn't see it, I probably wouldn't have listened, you know, but what I would tell anybody is literally the lesson to be learned here was just to be there okay.
Speaker 1:okay, you're here. You know, mr Flores, be there. Okay. Okay, you hear me now, mr Flores, be there. So my next question how does being a single parent impacting your life?
Speaker 2:Okay, it had made it for them much better. Right, when I was a bachelor, I was doing bachelor stuff. Who knows where I would be. You know what I mean. Being a single parent made me grow up.
Speaker 1:In what way?
Speaker 2:Emotionally right, spiritually right, because I believe God does things in your life for a reason. If you were interviewing my son, he'd probably tell you that. I tell him all the time. I think he saved my life in many ways. You know, I was an angry teenager, you know, and it wasn't anything that my family did. I think I just had a whole different vision of what my life should have been or would have been. But spiritually, I think God put my children with me in order to say you have a bigger role in this life than whatever you're doing at this moment, you know to save you and use you as they have said that you're supposed to be.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, you know, for society, absolutely. I don't. I mean even in mys. I was still. You know, I was going through relationship problems and all these things. So I was more like, ah, screw everyone, whatever, I'm going to party, I'm going to hang out, I got my own place, I can do whatever I want. That lasted about a year. There was no set vision no.
Speaker 2:No, no at all At all. I said I didn't go back to college till I got my son. When I got my son is when I said you know what? I need to be in a better place in order to provide what I need to provide for him. Right, and and and that's really the biggest change in how it's impacted my life is where I found purpose and what I needed to be doing. Yeah, I was seeing my kids every other weekend, but that was it, right. Um, it's easy to pick them up on Friday, you hang out with them, you bring them back Sunday and you kind of go about your life. Right, you call them and things like that.
Speaker 1:But again, this is all things that are very limited time, and there are people who will pick them up on Friday, drop them to their mother, yeah, and really still do whatever they want to do and still do what they want to do absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2:But no, the biggest lesson I learned and the biggest thing that impacted me was literally that it changed me to fit the role that I think I was meant to have this whole time.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, okay, that's very good. So now, if you were to give any advice to all the single parents listening or watching right now, what that will be.
Speaker 2:Have a lot of patience. Have a lot of patience. Kids will challenge you, you know, and they will challenge everything about you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes to the core.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the way, all the way to the core, you know. But patience also teaches them patience right. Because if you're, there's plenty of times I've, I've, I've not had the patience right and literally again I'll go back to my son or he'll look at me and be like dad. It's not even that serious man and this is him as a teenager and I love that about him. I love that about him. You know why? Because you're not afraid to teach me something.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean and when I tell you, there's times I'll take two steps back after hearing him say that and I'm like you know what? You're right, let's order some food. You know what I mean? Because it's one of those things where patience you teach it to your children and they're going to teach it to them, their children and it's one of the things that people lack the most right now. You hear families who are really falling apart because they don't have patience to hear their kids listen to their kids, be with their kids. Plenty of times I would hear things like I can't be around them today or things like that. I don't have that privilege. I have to be around my kids today, so I have to have some patience.
Speaker 1:And you know one thing when you mention patience culturally, you know there is a very big impact too, because it's like you know where I came from parents in general tend to not to have too much patience.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:Because at the end of the day, they tend to like hey, I say so, you do so you not really allow to ask too many questions, right? So, and that's I think that's a big factor that need to be considered.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Culturally and that's I think that's a big factor that need to be considered culturally. So it's like you know, it's like you have many parents who believe, hey, you have, you know, you eat. You have a wolf over your head. I put clothes on your body, I send you to school, that's what you stick with, that. Yes, sometimes you have kids who want to have a conversation or something happened in school and when I address that, but the parents tend not to be available and I understand and not. I understand, and I've seen it, you know, within my own culture, so and I'm like, hey, give some room here what the child have to say Because, like you mentioned earlier, so if you don't make yourself available for your kids, somebody else will make himself or herself available, and you don't know whether that person is a pervert or not.
Speaker 2:And that's the whether they're a pervert or whether they're just guiding your child for their own personal benefit. Right, and I and that could be into this is how a lot of teenagers end up in gangs, how they end up living or moving in with wrong people just because they don't want to be at home. And if you ask a lot of those kids, all they'll tell you a lot of times is my dad didn't understand me, my mother didn't understand me, or and that's because you know, different factors play into that too right, but like my dad, oh, my dad was never around.
Speaker 2:My mother, you know so, raised me, but she was always working right and exactly that's what I was about to say with my dad. My dad didn't really have much time to show up to my schools as much as I probably needed to, or or it was more like get up, get dressed, get to school, right, there was no like. But, dad, there was no but that it's. You're going to do what I just asked you to do, and that's one thing I don't do with my kids. Often we sit around and we talk a lot. You know a lot of things that they say I might not like, but at the same time, I got to give them that platform to be able to address what they want to address To have a conversation, absolutely, because you know it's like.
Speaker 1:You know we're going to have a conversation. I give you that platform, but I'm still the parent. Yes, yes 100%.
Speaker 2:And there's one thing I'll always say to any parent, even if single or not, is that you have to make yourself available to listen to your kids, because if you don't listen, somebody else will, somebody else will. And that attachment there is a big win for somebody else and it's a major loss for the parent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and oftentimes the end result, when somebody else is, you know, make him or herself available to listen, the end result, will you know. You know, make them see him or herself available to listen, the end result, will you know, oftentimes will not be beneficial. Yeah, absolutely, and we've seen it so many ways. There is a mental health, you know, component associated, you know, with being a single parent. You know like depression, anxiety, stress, trauma, grief, self-guilt, financial situation. So have you ever experienced, you know, like depression, anxiety? You know stress is common, right, right, stress is a common factor, right.
Speaker 2:But stress triggers everything else.
Speaker 1:right, yeah, if your stress is not being addressed properly, you're going to end up with anxiety.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you end up with anxiety.
Speaker 1:If your anxiety is not being addressed appropriately, then it's something else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. You nailed it right on the head. It's exactly what it is Now. I've probably experienced all the above. This is probably my one flaw right that I've attributed to myself.
Speaker 2:I have a million flaws, but the one I really attribute to myself is one I picked up off my dad, right, and it's one where my dad, probably raising me, experienced anxiety, depression and stress. But I remember him telling me and I probably said this out loud myself I don't have time for that. I don't have time to be depressed, I don't have time to be stressed or have anxiety. I have to go to work and I have to make sure my household is taken care of, which is why, a lot of times, I utilize what I have available, which would be someone like you at work or my friend next door, or when I talk to my friend from Florida, then she calls me. These are my only outlets. I don't have time to be able to go for an hour therapy session. I don't have time to be able to go to a group therapy or things like that One, because I rather utilize that time when my kid's doing something more with them as opposed even though self-care is important, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was going to be my next question. How do you take care of that?
Speaker 2:So, with people like you, I utilize what's available. Even though, Dr Evely, you're great. I utilize my friends too, right? They don't?
Speaker 1:have a degree, I'm going to start charging you. Hey, listen, I'm willing to pay.
Speaker 2:I'm willing to pay, but yeah, I'll utilize my friends. They've been great counselors Even. Sometimes you know even somebody you didn't expect to be talking to, because sometimes you need a real out-the-box person, somebody who's nowhere near you, to really just say I don't know you, but from what I've heard, you might want to look at this this way. And yeah like you said, I'm not shy to talk.
Speaker 1:I'm not shy to share. I always admire that from you man, I'm telling you. I love you when I say I love you, I love you, I hope my husband is not washing.
Speaker 1:Say I love you, I love you, I hope my husband is not washing my uh. The next factor, so it's like you know it's still mental health related. You know they have this social stigma and judgment which you know. So when you say you're not afraid to talk, it's because you live past by, it's because you live pass by. Yes, you know, because if you were to stick with, the judgment of society will lay on you. Then that will have been a big challenge for you to move forward.
Speaker 2:Oh, 100%. You know a lot of, like I said, a lot of single parents internalize everything. But that's when you start really seeing the stress in them. You start noticing it's affecting their jobs, it's even their jobs, it's even their jobs start saying, oh, that person, they're going through something again. Or when you let everything stay inside of you, it's going to project, it's going to come out somehow some way. It's going to facial expressions, outbursts and things like that. And I've seen it at work. I've seen some of my coworkers literally break down where I'm like, oh, like that. And I've seen it at work. I've seen some of my co-workers literally break down where I'm like, oh, wow, like I never seen this coming, but it's because they held it in for so long. At some point it becomes a boiling point and you know the worst part.
Speaker 1:I've witnessed people you know who internalize things.
Speaker 2:You know, like you just mentioned, so hard and eventually, not knowing how to properly address it, ended up using alcohol yeah, yeah, you know, amazingly as ironic that you mentioned that, right, because, um, I think I bought some beers, I want to say, about a few months ago and, um, my daughter opened up the fridge and she goes you plan on throwing these things out, because you've never, you don't drink them. Like, why are they even here? And I'm like I'll leave them. Maybe somebody will visit and we'll give it to them.
Speaker 2:But one thing I don't do is I'm not going to address my stress, my anxiety, my depression through substance. One, I'm only showing my children that that's the only way you can address your issues right. And two, I don't want to be an addict to anything. You know, I'm an addict to life right now. I'm an addict to my children, you know. But I'm not going to decide that I'm going to to relieve this stress, I'm going to have a beer. I'd rather relieve the stress by calling someone and maybe at the end of the week, if I want to have a beer, just socially, maybe I'll do that. But as a before, because I'm stressed, I've never said I had a tough day, let me have a beer.
Speaker 1:I've never said this that is some good willpower.
Speaker 2:You have idea yeah, no, and and again, I'll attribute it to my dad. My dad wasn't a person who really drank like that he would. He was a social drinker when he was with friends and things like that, but he never, never. And I've seen his stress. I've seen financially, mentally, emotionally, what he went through, you know, in life, and he never decided that I'm going to just be drinking, you know so.
Speaker 1:Basically, you know, for you to be the man that you are today. You owe it to your dad 100%.
Speaker 2:I say it all the time.
Speaker 1:We salute you, dad.
Speaker 2:Thank you dad, 100% I say it all the time we salute you, dad, thank you Dad.
Speaker 1:Research indicated that 45% of people experience being a single parent suffer with depression. Yeah, and based on your experience, you know it's like thanks God, you never really gone deep through that.
Speaker 2:No, no, and I've seen people who have you never experienced it.
Speaker 1:But you know, based on your, the challenges, the stress, the misery that you went through, so you see how that can happen right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%, and I've had friends like single moms that have broken down to me, you know, because we utilize each other like the same way, I speak to them, they speak to me, and there was times where I'll cry when my friends were, because I'm like, wow, like you know, that's such a burden to carry with you, you know, and, like I said, if you keep it internalized, it'll change you and it'll change your household internalize, it'll change you and it'll change your household.
Speaker 1:And you know, and sometimes you know people may not really pay too much attention to that, but some side, you know, when you deal with people you know who are single parents, you have to kind of like monitor them Like your friends. They come and they say that you're sad. It's not you, you're not involved, you don't talk, and they know that. Hey, you know he's always, you know, voicing his opinion out. So all of a sudden, so he doesn't talk, you know he's so sad. So what's going on? Yes, those are the little signs you know. When you mention into your friend or family members who are single parents, you don't do like you know what, let's talk about it. Well, how can I help? Yeah, how can I assist? What should I do? So it's very important. You were privileged to have a whole group around you, a support team. Yeah, you raised three beautiful children, but at the end of the day, you didn't raise them alone.
Speaker 1:Right, you know Right, so maybe, if you, didn't have the presence of those people into your life and their lives only. God knows what their outcome will have been 100 percent.
Speaker 2:You know like when they say it takes a village, they're not lying it does. It takes a village. And let me tell you, and and it didn't stop at my friends, right I um, when my son started elementary school, um, his social worker at the school, she was pretty much his mom at the school and if I didn't have her, I don't even know what I would have done, because she was literally. She would call me and be like you don't have to come in, I'm taking care of it right now. And one day I showed up to the school and I'm like is everything all right, like you know? And she goes no, I see what you're doing.
Speaker 1:So anything I can do on my level I'm going to take care of for you, and for six years that she was his social worker at the school. She was a blessing Because she sees that you care, you were involved and hey, it's like that was her way to assist.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:But you know what the most important thing? But you know what the most important thing all those people who assisted you or contributed toward raising your kids with you. It's because you allowed them to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and you have to do that. You have to ask for help when you need it, receive help when you need it and just be, you know, a person who is willing to open up enough to allow people to say you know what, I'm willing to help you.
Speaker 1:Oh, it was quite a moment.
Speaker 2:It was I really enjoyed that conversation.
Speaker 1:I enjoy it too All my questions that I put down. So it's like you know I'm like, oh, let me just engage into that conversation and leave those questions behind. So I really enjoy the conversation, I enjoy the time you know that you, you know with you and it's, it's a great pleasure. No it's a pleasure doing it with you. When I ask you, can we do this? And without even thinking, not even once, you say I'm in it, Ah, let's go I really appreciate it man.
Speaker 2:No, thank you so much, you know you've been such a great father thank you, thank you, but again, right, it's because of people like you who make this possible, like I. I would also share to people who see single parents be there for them. Try help any which way you can because, like you said, just one hour that you take that kid gives a respite to that parent where they can recollect themselves. You know, and I've been blessed to have that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, pretty much. So, you know, and you call it the right way. It's a blessing 100%. It's a blessing, because it's like when people who don't have that blessing. I only can imagine what the challenges you know can be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, and they're big. The challenges are big.
Speaker 1:So thank you, thank you, thank you so much Thank you. You know, for making today possible.
Speaker 2:No, thank you.
Speaker 1:You know, and that's the end of our show, and before I leave, I leave you know, you with some resources. There is the national single parent resources center and we have unicef, us census bureau. Go to the to those website and you will find a lot of information. You know, to get some assistance, you know, while dealing or being with a, uh, as a single it and your last thought before we close out.
Speaker 2:My last thought is just telling any single parent just have patience, everything will play out and be present, being present.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you so much. It was with you, dr Beatrice Ippolit, with your award.